With wedding season well and truly in swing a few of my friends have remarked they’re attending more christenings and naming ceremonies this year than W days. However James and I are actually having our busiest wedding year yet.
With a whopping 42% of marriages ending in divorce (yes seriously) it makes sense this year we’ll be donning the frocks and suits for several friends and family’s second nuptials.
Personally I have nothing but joy for the couples who’ve invited us to share in their new big day. For whatever reasons their first marriages didn’t work out and all parties are now happy with new partners. However a remark from a friend about a second wedding she’s recently received a ‘save the date’ for reminded me marrying again can be a tricky affair.
Said friend who shall remain nameless is about to attend the second wedding of a close friend whom she was bridesmaid for first time round. Anyone who’s had the honour of being part of a wedding party knows what an expensive business is can be. My friend Stew calculated the average cost of him and his wife attending a big day; travel, hotel, new attire, gifts and the associated hen and stag dos, would set them back around a grand, and a lot more if you’re a best man or bridesmaid.
And there is where the issue lies, said friend forked out a lot to be a BM many moons ago and now she’s been asked to do it all over again albeit for a smaller affair. However even with less guests there’s still a hen party to organise, hair and make-up to pay for and all the extras that mount up when you take up the accolade of being best girl. If you were in her Jimmy Choos would you decline?
I don’t want to go in to great detail about this particular instance, it’s not for me to pass judgement on the newly engaged couples plans. I definitely don’t intend to marry more than once so it’s not something I’ve ever really considered but nameless friend’s quandary did make me think if you do it all again, how big do you really go? What is the etiquette when you’ve been married before?
James and I paid for 80% of our wedding from our own pockets but would I expect the parents to offer to cover the dress and photographer again? I would like to think not. Would I expect guests to cough up for gifts? Well I didn’t really expect it first time around so no, but now the shoe is on the other foot and I’m one of those guests, I can’t imagine turning up to celebrate empty handed.
So ladies what’s your experience on this? Are you a guest at a second wedding and getting a sense of deja vu? Were you slightly perturbed with putting your hand in your pocket again? Anyone remarrying or remarried who has an experience they’d like to share on how they approached the second I dos?