As I mentioned in Tuesday’s post I have a big birthday coming up and so, of course, all my school friends are celebrating the same milestone birthday over the coming months too. The first is this weekend and the plan is adults-only drinks on the Saturday night followed by lunch with lots of little people in tow on the Sunday.
The birthday girl lives, and is celebrating in, Bristol and has a full house over the weekend, so I’m staying with one of our mutual friends. Obviously I want to get her a thank you for having me to stay gift but it struck me that I wasn’t quite sure of the etiquette involved in thank you for having me to stay gifts, if indeed there was any, and so I consulted Rita Konig’s Domestic Bliss book, which is my oracle on how to do things both properly and stylishly.
When it comes to thank you for having me to stay gifts Rita reveals she was once told that it was not the done thing to do take presents with you when you went to stay with friends, that you should send them afterwards. She goes on to say that she thinks this is nonsense (declarations like this are one of the many reasons I love her) but points out that it is lovely to receive a gift in the post and, if you’re staying with someone you don’t know terribly well, (she uses words like terribly a lot, another reason I love her) it gives you time to work out what they might like. However she worries that, until they receive the gift, they might think she is rude and the thought hadn’t occurred to her to bring anything at all.
When I’ve been a houseguest in the past sometimes I’ve arrived with gifts and other times I’ve sent them afterwards but on this occasion I’ve decided to take something with me. We have one of those don’t-see-each-other-very-often-but-pick-up-exactly-where-we-left-off kind of friendships and it’s such a long time since we last saw each other that I’m going to go down the food route as I’m not sure about her taste when it comes to her home, books she reads and so on.
Of course even with food I could still get it wrong. She could have given up sugar. Or become vegetarian. Or even vegan. But with a household of four and her mum living nearby I’m sure someone will enjoy whatever I decide to buy. Better than giving a gift she doesn’t really like but feels bad getting rid of. For an added twist I’ve decided to get something with a London theme such as a box of Prestat’s London Gin Truffles, or a couple of jars of Rubies In The Rubble chutneys which are made just around the corner from me, or perhaps a sweet treat from the London Honey Company.
I’ve still got another 24 hours to dither about what exactly to get, so there’s still time for you to share your thoughts on the matter. Is there any other etiquette you know of that I should be aware of? Do you think I’m right to go down the foodie route? What great thank you for having me gifts have you given (or received) lately? I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas!
Ohh this is a good one. My go to thing is brownies. They’re dead easy to knock up and everyone seems to like them. I adapt Jamie Olivers blooming brilliant brownie recipe. I use less sugar (trust me) and waaay more cocoa. I’m alot bigger on bringing something if people invite me round for dinner. I just can’t turn up empty handed. It tends to be a dessert. unless its Christmas dinner or a big roast then I take me pork and cranberry stuffing. People seem to be really grateful when you go to the effort of making something even though things like stuffing and brownies are minimal work!
Baking your own brownies is a brilliant idea Clare. I’ve probably left it a bit late on this occasion but will definitely do this in the future. There are a couple of companies that deliver brownies – I’ve sent them to people after I’ve stayed with them in the past and they’ve always gone down well!
I’ve always thought about putting the ingredients – flour cooa powder sugar and a bar of chocolate in a big kilner jar with a bow round with a tag with instructions (add one egg and x amount of oil/melted butter and bake for x) on one side and the title secret recipe brownie mix on the other. Could work if your short on time?
Booze, choccies, plants/flowers, or nice homey things like napkins/candle etc are what I take for dinner parties. Luxury bath things or soaps are nice for girls too, like a nice White Company bubblebath or hand lotion. Its nice to take something homemade but I always think they may not like it or like you say have a food intolerance (or just plain fussy!). People always offer when coming for dinner if they can bring anything but actually I just want them to come to dinner & I love cooking so would feel a bit odd if they brought part of the meal. Unless everything is bringing a bit and its organised like that.
Those are all great ideas Victoria. I used to babysit for a family who did this thing from time to time where they went to a different couple’s house for every course of the meal, which seemed fun!
Great idea to get London-themed stuff. My boyfriend is American, so for anything to do with his side of the family I always get Prestat chocolates – endorsed by the queen after all! And also Scottish (since that’s where I’m from) – so a beautiful tin of shortbread or tablet. I’m definitely a foodie gift-giver.
As a host I love notebooks and flowers, and really anything chocolate. I always think it’s great when people bring a vase (even just a v cheapie one) with flowers as it’s amazing how many people don’t own one!
Mmm, shortbread! A notebook is a lovely idea and such a good tip about including a vase, as Rita (!) says in her book it can be a bother to have to hunt one down when you’re in the midst of cooking/entertaining and as you say not everyone owns one.
I tend to go homemade but sometimes life gets in the way and there just isn’t the time. In these cases I like to go for a food gift that has multiple uses. For example biscuits in a nice tin so even if they don’t eat the biscuits they still get to use the tin. A recent gift I received that followed this thinking was chocolate buttons (which I love anyway) in a large kilner jar. Given the price of kilner jars I was massively pleased about the jar as well! Sometimes I like giving actual plants as they tend to last longer than flowers and it tends to avoid the aforementioned issue regarding no vases in the house.
Ooh, yes a food gift in a tin or jar you can use afterwards is a great idea Sarah and plants good too, although not for me, I did not inherit my mum’s talent at growing stuff.
I think the foodie route is a good one – especially if they have fed you while they’ve hosted you, even if its just breakfast and love the London theme idea – it kind of says, ‘Here’s a bit of my home to bring to your home…’? When people have stayed with us before I’ve noticed a few friends have left a thank you gift in the bedroom they have stayed in- which is quite a nice touch as its not embarrassing to recieve it when you feel you really haven’t gone to any trouble to have them there, and you then find it as soon as you go in to tidy and change the bedding when they’ve gone. I like to take something to share on arrival and leave something at the end that is just for them with a lovely little card on the pillow!
Love the idea of a leaving a gift in the room you’ve stayed Amanda and taking something to share and something just for them, plus a card, so thoughtful!