One of my school friends, Jess, is six days older than me. Just before we both turned 40 in November last year she dropped me a text saying: “Instead of presents this year, should we go away for a weekend of yoga?”
Obviously, I said yes and after several months of research we’ve finally settled on a three night retreat in Norfolk over the May bank holiday with Adventure Yogi. The majority of my friends, Jess included, moved away from London when they had children so I see her less frequently than I used to and, as much as I adore her husband and two daughters, the thought of spending the weekend together and catching up, just the two of us, like old times, with added yoga, well, I can’t wait.
Jess isn’t the only one who went down the moments not things route for my birthday. Both my sisters did too. Anna treated me to an own a horse day for adults, a perfect gift for this adult who was a pony mad teenager. I’m going to wait until the weather’s warmer to book. And Chrissi bought me a voucher for a cheese and wine tasting tour for two which, now that Dry January* is over we can finally go on. Bring on the cheese. And the wine. Hurrah!
All of this isn’t to say that I don’t still like nice things and that I didn’t love and appreciate every single thoughtfully chosen gift I received for my birthday too. It’s just that as I get older I’m realising that I need less stuff and I have to really love the stuff that surrounds me. Which is why, I think, that I’m increasingly unshopping (aka taking back) the stuff I buy. If I get an item of clothing home, try it on again and can’t see myself wearing it for several years well, then, I don’t feel as if I’m getting my money’s worth and back it goes. I would rather spend the money I have on evenings and weekends with friends, trips abroad and doing things I love than have a wardrobe stuffed with lovely things I don’t wear.
As much as possible, I like the things I do own to have memories attached. My birthday gifts included a veggie cookbook, a lovely necklace and a travel notebook all of which remind me of the friend who gave me them when I use or wear them. And many of the things around my home were bought on my travels so they’re forever linked to the places where I found them and the people I met and the experiences, I, erm, experienced, when I was there.
Is any of this making any sense to anyone? Have you bought or received an excellent moments-not-things gift? Do share below!
* In the interests of full disclosure I should say at this point that my Dry January actually ended up being more Dry-ish January. I had a couple of drinks on a couple of occasions, once when I went to a restaurant I’d been dying to try for AGES and I wasn’t going to deny myself of having a nice glass of red with the yummy spread, and last week when my Dad was in town for dinner. At the time of writing I haven’t had a drink in February. It seems that by cutting down I actually want to drink less than I did before. Who’d a thunk it?!
Own a horse for a day sounds amazing. Have you got any more info about this?
Hi Katie. I’m Miranda’s sister & I booked the own a horse experience for her here http://www.visitleevalley.org.uk/en/content/cms/outdoors/lee-valley-riding-centre/.
I’m sure it’s possible that you can book similar at other places across the country.
Thank you for sharing, I need to investigate pronto about the same idea in… France. This is just BRILLIANT. (Horse lover speaking.)
What an awesome birthday present for each other! Hope you both have a great time. My Mum and Dad bought us up with a strong focus on memories rather than presents. We got taken to some amazing locations for our holidays, instead of constantly being bought the latest trainers etc. I have so many treasured memories as a result. It’s something I still hold on to now, and would always prefer to buy someone a ‘memory’ and spent time with them rather than a present. It’s something I especially keep to for my Dad – his last birthday present was a cooking lesson we did together and the year before that was a speedboat trip for us both down the Thames. My friend and I have a tradition that we take each other for afternoon tea for our birthdays and with another friend our tradition its pedicures and prosecco! x
Thanks Sian! I love that this is something that you’ve grown up with and that you still do now. Also a speedboat trip on the Thames – amazing! And your traditions with your friends are lovely, I need to put some in place with my friends too!
I love receiving gifts as it can be a great (or on occasion, not so great) surprise to see how well people know you and your tastes, but the hubby and I are moving more towards ‘gifts’ we can do together. Among the gifts we gave each other for Christmas were tickets to see a ghost story at our local theatre and tickets to see Hayseed Dixie (so much fun to see live). We have also booked to go to Sweden for my hubby’s 30th birthday in August – well he did take me to New York for my 30th! We don’t mind that we have to wait to cash in the tickets, it just gives us something to look forward to throughout the year!
One of my best friends and I have never given each other a birthday or Christmas present as we prefer to get together and have a nice dinner or go out for the day. He now he lives three hours away and it is difficult but we managed to have a lovely day out at Chatsworth House just before Christmas and it was just so good to drink tea, eat scones and pretend to be Lord and Lady of the manner.
I do love presents too Claire! Sweden will be wonderful and as you say it’s great to have something to look forward to. I’m desperate to go to Chatsworth, what a lovely day out with your friend!
Love this idea!
The boy & I often end up buying these types of prezzies – last year I got him (& me!) tickets to Lords, we often get gig tickets and went to Paris for our anniversary!
We’ve also started to do similar for friend’s presents, so Dave is taking his best man to a Barnet game (although they still haven’t booked the tickets nearly a year later, oops!) and for Dave’s sister we’ve given her a card saying we will buy her (& her hubby) tickets to the fab new art deco cinema and will babysit for them (again, though, we still haven’t booked this!)
Despite not having actually managed to sort the physical events out yet (for friends/family) we hope they realise they had more thought put into them then any other presents we could get from the shops! {crosses fingers tightly}
Ooooo and the cheese & wine thing – you’ll have a blast! Friends bought us vouchers for one at Neals Yard in London Bridge………AMAZING! I was in heaven!
xx
There is a really nothing better than cheese in my book! I love that you’ve added in babysitting to the gift for Dave’s sister and her hubby Rebecca, it makes it such a complete gift plus you get to spend time with your niece/s/nephew/s!
The husband and I now have a £15 limit on birthday and Christmas and instead of big pressies ensure we go to the theatre, comedy nights, holidays, weekends away and generally lovely treats through the year. I much prefer it this was and as long as I get my Christmas Moomin mug I don’t need anything else from him! Also this year my two best friends and I got facials and went for afternoon tea instead of Christmas present – we crowned it perfect Saturday.
I like the limit idea Jenny, it forces you to get creative. A Christmas Moomin mug? What a fab tradition! Facials and afternoon tea with friends sounds like a pretty perfect Saturday!
The own a horse for a day sounds amazing! I loved horse-riding, but had to give it up for Saturday job when I was 16.
I haven’t gifted anyone an experience but I think I will start to. Our friends gifted us a helicopter ride over monaco during our honeymoon and it was absolutely amazing! It was such a surprise as well 🙂 we tried to do a similar thing for another friend but they were so secretive about their honeymoon plans it was difficult to with out something like that for them! Another friend is getting married next January and they’re honeymooning in Mexico, so I’m sure there’ll be something fun to do at their resort that we can gift to them.
I gave horse riding up at a similar age Jo, I’ve been a couple of times since, on holiday. A helicopter ride over Monaco does indeed sounds absolutely amazing. Great idea to gift someone an experience on honeymoon, helping to make it even more of a remember-it-forever trip!
Hi Miranda!!
I think ‘moment’ gifts are perfect! I do this with my husband especially. We have very active lives, filled with DIY and visiting family in different areas of the country, so we VERY rarely spend time and money on doing things together – apart from the essentials such as dog walking and going to Pizza Express when they have offers on. Christmas is a present oriented occasion for me as I love giving (and receiving too!) an abundance of presents!! It reminds me of being little. But our birthdays fall within 3 weeks of each other and we always use this opportunity to buy ourselves a day out. Namely a show in London with a lovely dinner thrown in! For our bdays this year (mine is next week) we are buying ourselves a very posh Afternoon Tea (Willy Wonka Style!) and I can’t wait for us to have some husband and wife time together – paint brushes excluded!!
I do love a Pizza Express deal Vanessa! I used to a show and dinner with my mum for my birthday, it was one of my favourite family traditions! Wishing you the happiest of birthdays, sounds like you have a wonderful day planned!
I’m totally with you on this Miranda, love an experience present! Me & Ben are going to a Michelin star restaurant for our birthdays & it’s sort of our present to ourselves…or each other…however way you look at it!
My mum bought me this really cool immersive theatre ticket for Alice in Wonderland in the Vaults under Waterloo station. I’d never even heard of it! But now I’m really excited & it’s lovely to have things to look forward to xx
Ps you DID get a lovely necklace for your birthday 🙂
Ooh, yummy a posh dinner is a fab pressie. Immersive Alice In Wonderland – how perfect! I have worn my necklace lots and always receive at least one compliment when I do! Can’t wait to see you tomorrow! xxx
Totally in line with you and in our family too, experiences have taken over objects. It seems that with age (hem), and possibly kids, there’s a shift in our mindset, don’t you think? I mean, we start putting things into perspective and prioritizing certain aspects of our lives. I am fully enjoying this shift and get from your post that you too. As with everything, we probably would not be here hadn’t we first experienced the object related binge previously… Keep enjoying!
I’m totally on board with this, in fact for the hubsters 50th I’m booking him a Neal’s Yard beer and cheese tasting and an air b’n’b in London 🙂
I love the way this is becoming a thing. My husband took me to see Cirque de Soleil at the Royal Albert Hall for my birthday last month – it’s his birthday in a few days and I’ve got him a day driving race cars including an Aston Martin.
I liked what you said about needing to really love the stuff around you. I’ve found it quite liberating to let myself get rid of things I don’t like or use even if there’s a story behind them or they were presents – I was hanging onto things I didn’t want because I felt guilty and obliged to!