Sound. That’s the way I’d describe Detrice Matthews. I can’t think of anyone wiser, more-down-to-earth or modest than the gorgeous Mrs M which made the news of her breast cancer even harder to take. Cancer doesn’t discriminate between the young and the old, the good and the bad and that’s why it’s so heartbreaking.

Dee and I share a mutual friend, Lisa (who snapped the gorgeous pic above) and I’ve had the pleasure of knowing her for over a decade. Today Detrice joins us to tell us her story and what she’s learned over the last turbulent year. I know it’s been really tough for Dee to write this article and surfaced emotions she found difficult to talk about. From the bottom of my heart I want to thank her for her open and honest account.

Five things I’ve learned since my diagnosis

Before all of this I was just an ordinary girl from Yorkshire, juggling two young children, trying to be a good wife, working part-time and keeping our family home as best as I could.

I first learned that I had breast cancer just before Christmas in 2014. I had initially felt a small ‘pea sized’ lump in my right breast and began to worry when my husband also noticed that it had changed shape. After a referral by my doctor, I soon found myself in the Breast Care Unit of St James’ hospital. Once there I was sent for an ultrasound, then a mammogram and after sometime a core needle biopsy – it all happened in a bit of a whirl really, but then it stopped. Everything stopped. I knew by the serious look on the consultant’s face that I had cancer on that day, before it had even been confirmed.

The timing was extremely ‘inconvenient’. The kids were excited for Christmas time, my sister’s birthday was just around the corner and there was no point in worrying everyone for no reason I decided. Then the unthinkable happened, my husband’s nana passed away and all of our attention turned to supporting the family. I reasoned there was no need to add additional upset to anyone.

Once my diagnosis was confirmed, I knew that I had to ‘tell’ people – at a point when I was least able to. The hardest part for me was telling those I cared about that I had been diagnosed with cancer.

You can’t predict people’s reactions

The day I told my husband I felt like I had literally broken his heart. He was devastated and I knew he would be, but yet I still had to tell him. My own mum and my sister were shocked and visibly upset, but I asked that they keep it together as my little girl was playing in the next room. I especially found it difficult to tell those younger than me. I made my little sister cry over the phone, and I struggled to find the words to tell my two younger cousins (perhaps I was trying to protect them). In the end I had to ask good friends to relay the news to others because I just couldn’t face it anymore.

Some people have surprised me by reacting in a practical way and asking for as much information as they could, whilst others just fell apart. Some people have asked upfront and very bold questions that hit you like someone has just slapped your face (however well-meaning), but on the whole people have been positive, lovely and supportive in many ways.

Children can be stronger than adults

Children are practical, open and honest, and most of all they tend to tell it how it really is. They listen when you tell them the facts and they ask questions when they don’t understand. They cry when things scare them or upset them – but when they are done, they accept it and they get on with living.

Cancer changes you

I have definitely changed as a person. Without a shadow of a doubt. I used to be loud and excitable and confident about most things. Being ill seems to have broken me down, and my confidence and self-esteem has taken a bit of a battering.

I have experienced a range of emotions that I never thought possible. Some days I feel lucky and relieved that the main treatment is over with. Other days I feel angry and frustrated that this disease has completely taken over everything. Some days I feel teary and heartbroken, as if something has come along and taken away everything that I knew to be true. Most days I feel scared, scared of what could be – in particular the thoughts of leaving my little family.

I appreciate the small things

All of a sudden you see things in a different light. You become more tolerant of others and less judgemental. You take a huge step back from the hustle and bustle of life and you see things more clearly than you ever did. All the little things don’t seem to matter anymore and the big things become, well insignificant.

My outlook on life has definitely changed as well. I appreciate so many of the small things that I probably took for granted before. In some ways I feel like I have been given a second chance.

Every night I tuck my children in and I take a bit of extra time to look at them drift into sleep. I always read them a story no matter how late it is, and they both often ask me to stay a little while longer – to hold their hand or stroke their back, and I always do no matter how tired I am because I have realised that one day I may not be around to help them drift off to sleep. My husband and I are also taking a little more time for each other, which is hard when you have small children. It is very rare that I say we can’t afford to do things, or put off doing things that I really want to do – more often than not I say ‘yes’ now because I have realised that life is worth living and that is the only way that you make the most amazing memories.

There’s comfort in routine

Throughout all of this I have been adamant that my children would not sense any upset or fear. Our lives have pretty much stayed the same as a result of this. We wake up early, and we are very active all day long until bedtime comes along. I still try my best to do something nice with them every day (no matter how exhausted I am) – nothing too exciting, sometimes just going to the park or making their favourite dinner. I have found that no matter how tired I am, no matter how much I am struggling, the children still wake me up with beaming smiles and huge hugs – and that in itself is priceless.

All the team at Rock My Limited send lots of love and best wishes to you Detrice and your little family.
Following on from a mastectomy, Dee has now thankfully completed her course of chemotherapy and has returned back to work. You can follow her path to recovery over on her blog, Detrice Matthews.