Last year there was an Instagram post circulating nominating people to share twenty facts about themselves. It took me ages to come up with at least one remotely interesting fact about myself but somehow I managed to cobble together twenty. Two of the facts that seemed to draw the most response which I thought I’d mention today.

#5. I’m blessed with a large gaggle of friends though I’ve learned over the last few years friends are like knickers. You need lots of different types for different occasions. One size does not fit all and you have to care for your delicates. 
#15. I believe opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.

I’ll leave number fifteen for another day as I think that might make a corker of a post but for now let’s go back to number five .

We’ve touched on here before how making friends can get trickier as you get older. Gone are those heady days of college, university and early careerdom when most friendships were cemented over tequila slammers (feel free to insert some other alcoholic beverage here) it’s much harder when we get older and the responsibility level steps up both at home and work and it becomes more difficult to carve out time for your best girls.

The toxic friendships of my youth are now behind me. If one of my chicas upsets me now I’m either very honest with them or give them a wide berth until I can find the headspace to deal with them. Sometimes it’s my own emotional state that has taken offence to something they’ve said rather than anything they’ve done wrong.

I’m very lucky that I have several friends who I can go a year or so without seeing and we can pick up from exactly where we left. These girls know a huge amount about me, my family, they know what makes me tick and I’m very lucky to have them. While I keep up with their lives through social media, these are not the lingering friendships that would have burnt out if Facebook was still a twinkle in Zuckerberg’s eye. However as I alluded to in the Instagram post, friendships need to be nurtured. You have to put effort in to be able to claim the equity. Just like a marriage it’s a two way relationship.

I’m not saying you’re flippant with your sisterhood in your early twenties but on a personal level as I headed for my thirties I started to have more of an appreciation for my friends and no longer expected them to take on multiple roles. Now my friendships are more meaningful though perhaps more complex too. I expect those who I let close to me to hold the same values as I do and my expectation of what determines a ‘good friend’ has completely changed in the last few years. Maybe it’s because when my mum was ill a few years ago some pals offered unwavering support whilst others disappeared. It’s taken a while but I no longer begrudge those who were a no-show during that time at the end of the day everyone has their own schizzle to deal with. I think realising you’re not the centre of everyone’s universe is a very grounding experience.
When I was blabbering on Instagram about having mates for different occasions I was thinking about how ideally you’d have a variety of companions to see you through the good times and the bad. Personally I think I couldn’t get by without a circle made up of:

  • A non-judgemental friend
  • A brutally honest friend
  • Your cheerleeder who offers unwavering support
  • The one who always knows what to say
  • The good time party girl who’s always ready to get her dancing shoes on
  • The one with experience who has done it all before
  • The mother who nutures and cares for
  • The confidante
  • The career minded one who you can talk to about work
  • The one from a different walk of life
  • The work colleague you can count on (got lots of them thankfully)

It’s not to say each person takes up purely one guise but I reckon it would be virtually impossible for one human to take up all these roles. Whether you choose to keep your circle tight or are a social butterfly do you think there are any other behavioural traits a girl needs to find in her friends?
Have you found your concept of friendship and your relationship have changed over the years too?