It has happened to me so many times. Someone says a downright rude, insulting or derogatory comment and my reply is witty and intelligent. The only problem is that my comeback is three hours later and delivered in my head. In real life I just blurted out something stupid or let a deathly silence fill the air.
Aside from the wisecracks, there are other times that I’ve been embarrassed and disappointed by my reactions to bad or unexpected news, or to negative feedback. I know I can’t be alone in my frustration in not being able to turn back the clock and deliver different responses: the text messages I wish I’d sent (or not sent) when a boyfriend had decided to call it a day; the quips I could have delivered to pompous women fighting for spaces in my local Sainsbury’s car park or the deeply-profound retorts that could have put an end to a silly squabble.
One incident in particular is still really memorable to me. I had been working for a few months in my first real job and an opportunity came up for a promotion. I was backed by my line manager and her manager too and had been led to believe the interview was a formality and that the job would be mine.
I’ve always suffered from self doubt and so I was dubious that this would be the case. Still, I was completely and utterly crushed when several days after the interview I was told that I hadn’t got the job. It was my first taste of professional rejection and I was unprepared for the way I felt. After the department head delivered the news, layering on the reasons why the job had been given to someone else, I blurted out “Can I go now?”
“CAN I GO NOW?!” What sort of professional, articulate and ambitious young woman asks to be let out of an office like a small child asking to get down from the table? It wasn’t a nonchalant, “Oh well, best be off, thanks for the chat,” response but more a desperate plea to leave.
For years my reaction has haunted me. Though it would have been hideously unprofessional to respond to my boss with a witty remark, I really wish I had come up with some mature and eloquent return that hadn’t been met with a smirk as I was released from the room. Thankfully it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me, as shortly after I left that department to pursue a different career path.
SATC’s Charlotte may have managed to finally get the last word in with Big, (and how dramatic to have your waters break at the same time), however most of us will never get a chance to utter those words we wish we’d said. Until now that is! Given the opportunity, and a good dose of hindsight, what would you say? It can be a response to a flippant comment or something altogether more important. It’s time to get it off your chest!
Hahahaha, when I cycle to work, I have imaginary conversations with car drivers who pass me too closely, don’t look etc. and yes, I know that sounds a little bit odd but it makes me feel better.
I also like to reply to shirty emails with my desired response/rant (taking out the name of the ‘to’ box) just to get it out of my system. Then I delete that and write the one that won’t get me fired!!
Love this Claire! Can you imagine if you forgot to remove the to?! x
I have a friend (it honestly wasn’t me!) who used to do exactly this with emails until the day she wrote a pretend email to her client using many expletives and basically being extremely rude, as he had been to her with his sleazy remarks. Unfortunately she actually did press send! Didn’t go down too well but luckily he saw the funny side in the end, especially given his remarks to her and so all was sort of forgiven! I hate emails for exactly that reason. There is no going back! x
Oh no! The same thing can happen over the phone though. I have listened to several conversations when people have thought the receiver was down after a phone call! x
I have to let you know about the one time I actually delivered the perfect comeback at the right time – I like you usually think of them 3 hours later!
I was on a night out with a friend in the pub and a man came over to try and strike up conversation with us. We had not seen each other for a while, both have partners and just really wanted a chat and glass of wine. We tried to politely make it clear we weren’t interested but he was very persistent finally trying to impress us with the fact that he was in the pub with his friend Gareth Jones, who presented the children’s TV show HOW in the 90s, and proceeded to describe the show in which you could ask the presenters how to do anything. I then asked him ‘could we ask how we get you to go away?’. I couldn’t believe I actually came out with it! It did the tick though!
So funny! Bet he was mortified though! x
This really is just me all over! I have lost count of the times that someone has said something to me that has made me die a little inside or turn purple with embarrassment and, feeling incredibly insulted, I SMILE and maybe even muster a little laugh. I think I have an inbuilt need to be polite and nice at all times, even when someone is being horribly rude, insanely irritating or downright nosy! I have such an overwhelming urge to be nice that at the time I just don’t think I would dare say what I really think! I think good morals and respect are things that I value highly and it saddens me that not everyone values these things in the same way I do, and in a way I would not want to reduce myself to their level. But I would be lying if I said there were not several conversations I have replayed in my head, so that I can change the ending and say something really clever! Oh hindsight, what a wonderful thing you are!
There is one particular issue that over the years has caused people to make flippant, insulting remarks, and that issue is how young I look. People feel the need to point it out ALL the time, as if they were telling me something I didn’t already know, and they genuinely don’t see anything wrong with the comments they are making.
Don’t get me wrong, I know that it is nice to look younger, but what 30 year old married woman honestly wants to be told they look 12 years old!! I want to feel that I am being taken seriously in my workplace and not looked down upon because people view me as being much younger than I really am.
The worst occasion must have been when I was in London by myself and went for lunch at a cafe. I payed my bill and left, and a couple of minutes later one of the staff members was literally chasing me down the street – because they had all been wondering how old I was as I looked to young to be there on my own. I was mortified to say the least. In my head, long, long after he even remembered my face, I came up with so many witty responses.
But the sad thing is, to this day, when people comment on my child like looks (one response to hearing my age was “what happend?” !! ) I still don’t reply with anything witty or clever, but just smile politely 🙂
Oh Anna, I feel your pain. I too look younger than my years. I often think how rude it would be to tell someone how dreadfully old they look so don’t understand why it’s not viewed the same when someone tells you that you look like a whippersnapper x
Anna/Lauren. I believe that’s right up there with you look just like your brother. Thanks I look like a man then.
This is the same dilemma that Kathleen Kelly has in you’ve got mail – my most favourite go to movie on a rainy day.
My husband says I am the clone of Kathleen Kelly in real life bar the looks of Meg Ryan in her ditziness and her inability to respond to conflict or confrontation till I’m home and though of the perfect response. I feel it is not always a bad thing, in the heat of the moment things can be said when it would have been better to not say anything at all. By saying the perfect comeback it does make you feel better but I am such a people pleaser I suddenly get fear I’ve behaved terribly and upset the other person and in the end doesn’t make you feel better at all.
I maybe need to take tips from charlotte!
It’s true Jill, sometimes it is better to bite your tongue.
With all this damp weather I hope you’ll be watching Meg Ryan today 🙂
I always say things at work and wished I;d sounded more professional. Just this week, I wasn’t very happy with something my boss had done, so I stormed into his office and announced how unhappy I was; ‘I might cry or even have a little shout I’m so cross…’ Needless to say I sounded like a right idiot, and no doubt next week I will be called into the office (again) to be told how it is sooooo unprofessional to speak to your boss like that. Ooooops. I just get carried away!