I can’t say I ever had a definite “life” plan as such, although I did have a reasonably clear idea of certain things I hoped to achieve and the timeframe I wanted to achieve them in.
To cut a long story short, everything happened a lot sooner than expected, everything except starting a family that is. I secured my first real rung on the career ladder at 23, I met my future husband in the same year, I moved into his place a week later, we bought our first property together a mere 5 months after that….and so on and so forth.
By the time I was 27 I was engaged and planning my wedding and everything seemed pretty much well, sorted I guess. Lucky lucky me. And that’s why I couldn’t help feeling guilty and more than a bit annoyed with myself for that underlying sinking feeling that career wise, I simply wasn’t satisfied.
My job was well paid and I loved the company I worked for, but the next step onwards just didn’t seem all that appealing, an enhanced salary yes… but for that privilege came substantially more responsibility, increased travelling and longer hours. It just wasn’t a role that I could see working around becoming a parent, and after all, following the impending “I do” having a baby was surely next on the agenda of my perfectly ordered life. (You know how earlier I mentioned I didn’t have a “definite” plan? I think perhaps maybe subconsciously I did.)
On Honeymoon I decided to start my own company, the creativity aspect and the experience I had gained from planning the big day gave me the motivation and the concept. Before I knew it I was knee deep in running my own business, every day bought with it a new challenge and I thrived on the adrenaline. It may sound like a cliche but weeks really do roll into months which then roll into years. I was no closer to increasing the O’Shea household. I had an increasingly dodgy medical history and wasn’t at all sure how I could possibly fit raising littles into my frankly ridiculous schedule. At one stage I wasn’t even 100% sure that I was meant to have kids, I didn’t have that broody type feeling that so many folk mention. And I didn’t feel I was missing out in any way either.
I hope that doesn’t come across as flippant, or ungrateful, or that I didn’t consider my husband’s desire to have a baby (of course I did) I had just become somewhat pre-occupied with my own (selfish?) desires to make my brand a real success. And it never stops, there is always a new project to consider, an event to attend or a deadline to meet.
The crunch came when James and I had a really lovely holiday in the Dordogne last June, it was blissful. I genuinely switched off from work for a whole week and for the first time thought “I can’t imagine my future without children”…just like that. With my aforementioned questionable medical record I was advised it could take a long time, I had convinced myself that actually, perhaps it wouldn’t happen at all. Looking back on it, perhaps that was a contributing factor to why my business became all consuming.
I could deal with it taking a while, I had so many things to arrange and complete before I could even imagine coping with all of the responsibilities that come with becoming a Mama. And if it didn’t happen at all well – there are alternative options.
We found out I was already 8 weeks pregnant 10 weeks later. We were both in a state of disbelief, and remained so for at least a day or two. We were thrilled, excited and overjoyed but I’d be fibbing if I didn’t admit I was really bloody scared. I had just seven months to figure out what was going to happen to Rock My Ltd, would I be able to take maternity leave of any kind? would the stress of my job effect my pregnancy in a negative way? Could I really be a great mother and a successful business woman?
So many questions, so little time to figure everything out.
I’ve made a lot of changes, some sacrifices and pretty big business decisions to accommodate everything as best I can (for another post, I can already feel I’m waffling) and thus far I am (without wanting to sound like a numpty) quite proud of myself, it turns out I am a lot stronger and more resilient than I ever gave myself credit for. But as I head towards returning to my Managing Director position in a more full-time capacity I can’t help but wonder how I am going to ever leave my baby girl for days at a time in order to give it the focus required.
James and I are so incredibly blessed, and as important as this business is to me (it really is) nothing will ever compare to the health and happiness of my daughter and husband.
Have any of you found it difficult to go “back” to work?
Did/do you worry about not being as focussed now you have the responsibility of a small person?
Have any of you had a similar “life” plan? How did it pan out?
Apologies for all of the questions, I am just looking for some reassurance I guess.
I totally get this and am so glad someone else feels the same way.
I was diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago and had the same worries in my head about being able to conceive. I had planned for a long and emotional road of trying, what I hadn’t planned for was getting pregnant pretty much the first try after having my coil removed (tmi? Sorry!!) I had Effie last October and wanted to try and take as much time as I could finances allowing, but given the early conception my plans of saving were somewhat scuppered. 6 months in and I’ve spent the last few weeks selling lots of my possessions on eBay to finance more time and the reality of heading back to work is hitting me hard.
I used to work long hours and weekends and that is definitely out of the question now. I couldn’t handle not putting that smiley little face to bed every night. So with interviews lined up it’s my frame of mind that needs working on!!
I always knew I would have to go back but Effie has really just started to come into her own, the first tooth is through with more on the way, she can sit up without me worrying about her face planting the carpet anymore, she’s so excited by the prospect of eating that weaning is a hilarious arm wrestle the spoon game and her little personality is shining through. I don’t want to miss the first time she crawls or her first word, but sadly I know that somewhere along the line I’ll have to miss something. I’ve had the best 6 months of my life with her and I won’t ever forget them. Now it’s Nana’s turn to have all the fun!!
One thing I will say, from my perspective I didn’t love the career I was in before I went on maternity leave but your love for what you do is clear and that has got to be the best inspiration for any little girl to see in their mother, life won’t be the same but once you’ve had a baby you know you can accomplish more in 5 minutes that you used to in 5 hours (or is that just me?)
Xxxx
Hi Liz! Thanks so much for your detailed response, and no not TMI! sometimes you have to really explain the details for things to make sense!
Mabel likes to face plant into my shoulder, I am getting better and preparing for it though 🙂 but yes, it’s missing important things that makes me sad, I just have to make sure the time we spend together is quality time.
I do know what you mean about the accomplishment in such a short time frame though, this morning in less than an hour I sorted all of the washing, washed and sterilised all the bottles , changed Mabel, tidied up everywhere, sent some emails, read through some reports…I’m sure all this running about must be good exercise too! x
Things that make going back to work as easy as it can be…
1. Loving/liking your job
I returned after a year off and had no manager, my company had merged and I had no defined job role and consequently days on end with very little to occupy me. Things have improved on that front since Christmas and I now feel I have more direction, I wouldn’t say I was happy though and I feel a little bit trapped because I have the part time hours I want. Plus if I want to have another baby it would be hard to walk away from the (slightly) enhanced maternity pay.
2. Good childcare
You have to be happy with your childcare. My son spends 1.5 days in a nursery and 1.5 days with my mum. At first he was hysterical every time we dropped him off and would cling to us like a limpet. He has been there for 6 months now and it’s only in the last month or so that he has stopped crying when we drop him off. The staff would tell me that he settled quickly after we left but there was always that nagging feeling. I would sneak in and watch when I collected him and sure enough he would play quite happily till he spotted me!
3. Make the most of days off work
When I was on maternity leave I was more comfortable with lazing around in the house, cleaning, cooking etc instead of playing with my son all the time. I think if you are home full time it does have to be that way, babies can’t take priority 100% of the time and actually they do enjoy watching you get on with household stuff and ‘helping’. Now I make sure our 2 days that are just the two of us are primarily about him, we do a sport one morning and the other we go to the park or meet up with friends. Afternoon naps are when I have chill out time for me or do the household jobs I can’t do with him around. If money were less tight I would just get a cleaner!
Hi Kathryn! I’m glad things have improved at work (even if only slightly) when I left my last job to do Rock My full time I did consider the whole maternity situation I was missing out on, it’s very difficult not to, I could have essentially had a year off work and had a job I enjoyed ready and waiting for my return.
I am just finalising childcare now, it’s not quite worked out as planned but we’re getting there, fingers crossed… the limpet/hysteria situation must have been very tough for you. And I actually mentioned in my response to Liz above, I do need to designate proper “Mabel” time rather than chores, emails and post writing (!) in between. x
Life is strange.
We married four years ago and I was instantly super broody. From ‘just seeing what happens’ to full blown cycle tracking with ovulation sticks, negative tests, erratic cycles and a very faint positive test all happened over the next year. The faint positive became a negative a few days later and now four years since we got married we are currently quite happy being childless.
Various issues/family illnesses/busy lives and fear have all contributed to us not yet finding out why. All I know is right now we are happy without and are enjoying our freedom while friends around us are all having babies.
I too have never felt that maternal feeling and sometimes think it’s meant to be. But then making the decision that kids are NEVER going to be for you is a massive one to make. I don’t quite think we have made a decision yet, I do know that we need to make one in the next five years (I’ll be nearly 35).
Who knows how we will feel then, in four years we have gone from one end of the spectrum to the other. Maybe we will go full circle… All I know is that you cannot predict how you are going to feel about something in five years time.
Congratulations Charlotte and thanks for sharing xxx
Hi Claire, yet another thoughtful response, thanks so much. You are absolutely right about the predicting how you feel scenario, right before I went to France I was thinking about wine, cheese and what bikinis to pack (!) not that I would make a life changing decision. I think sometimes things have to settle down around you in order for your brain to actually have space (if that makes sense)
Although I personally have chosen to have a baby, I can appreciate why folks would decide not to, and that you can live a perfectly fulfilling life without. I don’t regret waiting longer than expected, James and have done so many special things together in the meantime that we may not have should we have started a family 4/5 years ago.
Lots of love and luck for whatever you choose to do x
Huge congratulations Charlotte, and such a wonderful and honest post! So much of it resonates with my experience. This being boss/mummy business… It’s tiring, to be perfectly honest! I pretty much had about two weeks of maternity leave to get back on my feet. But also so rewarding. And every day when my work/life balance threatens to tip and I freak out, I just remind myself how lucky I am to have a baby that I get to see everyday because of how flexible my work is. Not many women can say that.
You will be great! I have found that the drive that you had for your business comes back in full force and if anything, you are so much stronger than before (for one, baby brain is no more) because your baby is now part of your motivation. Take care, Mama! Mabel Rose is a real beauty. x
Hi Erin! *waves* thanks so much for this, it has made me feel more…normal! I had essentially 2/3 weeks fully “off” before I was doing bits and pieces for work already, it’s difficult to leave it alone when it’s your own I guess.
It’s funny, we have a company meeting tomorrow and I can honestly say I have never had so many ideas, I am 100% sure they stem from thinking in a different way (now that I’m a Mum) so silver lining and all that. And you are absolutely right about the flexibility aspect, I have a talented (and understanding) team so if for whatever reason I needed to be with Mabel it wouldn’t even be questioned.
Your business appears to be thriving so you are clearly coping extremely well, I am certainly more motivated than ever – Mabel might want to be part of the company one day 🙂 x
This is a great post Charlotte I’m sure that you could go on forever about this topic it’s very hard to make that move back to work especially when you know it’s going to be a hard work (no matter how much you love/like your job). I went back full time after 7 months and my son goes to nursery full time I dreaded it at first, but after a few weeks a new period of our lives had started and it worked out – he adapted to nursery so well and maternity leave seemed like a distant memory and I began to enjoy being a working mum although I do wonder what I did with all that spare time before! I’m pregnant again 2 years later and was really worried at first at the timing and the thought of fitting in two! I’ve now just decided to stop worrying and just see what happens. I didn’t tell anyone for ages and confided in an older colleague, I said I wish the timing could have been better and I remember she said in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years from now as you watch that baby grow up the last thing you will ever say is – ‘if only the timing could have been better when they were born’ and that really made me think differently. I don’t think there is ever an easy decision to make as a parent and this is probably (after deciding to be a parent) the first of many. I am sure you will be surprised at how quickly you adapt 🙂
Hi Vicky, I really appreciate your info on the nursery situation, I’m toying with how many days I will send Mabel for, juggling it in with having her here with me/being able to work. We have an excellent nursery literally down the road – it’s just a case of if they have space.
The one thing I did say was perhaps we should have had a baby sooner…but then I guess we wouldn’t have “Mabel” and it does seem as though we are more ready than ever right now. No regrets! x
Things happened quite differently for me/us – we have almost done things a bit back to front…unconventional at least!
I was never a big ‘planner’, I left Uni and met my now fiancé a few weeks after moving back home. within a couple of months we moved in together and were quite happy enjoying lazy weekends, afternoon vino and disposable income!
After 18 months together we found out I was pregnant – at 22 years of age this came as a massive shock to both of us. we hadn’t planned it and although we had discussed a desire to have a family it was very much ‘one day’….
It was a massive game changer for us and has tested us to the extreme but it is the best way that it could have happened looking back on it. I think you can always find a reason why it’s not the right time to have a baby, the house needs work, your career is your focus, you can’t afford it…but for us, having it just happen was absolutely the way it needed to be!
I went back to work after 10 months off with my little man, having loved every second (yes even the teething, sleepless nights, and battles over food) of my maternity leave. My work are fantastic and very flexible so I work three days a week and have a long weekend at home. I didn’t find it difficult because I actually felt ready to get a bit of ‘my time’ back. I get to have a hot cup of tea, eat my lunch undisturbed and go to the loo without my children acting as audience. What’s not to like!
we now have 2 little bubbas…our eldest has just started school and our younger boy turned 2 this month.
I do worry sometime that I am doing half a job at everything…I’m never fully focussed at work as I’m always sort of thinking about what I’m cooking for tea, how I’m going to get both of the little people picked up from two separate locations, home, fed and changed ready to go to a swimming lesson, where did I put this weeks reading book, did I turn the slow cooker on????
I think as a mum you are constantly made to feel a little bit guilty about the decisions you make…if you go back to work you feel guilty about leaving your baby, if you stay at home you feel guilty that the little one is missing out on socialising at nursery. If you have a second child you feel guilty that you have less time to spend with your first, if you decide to stick at one child you feel guilty that they don’t have that sibling relationship….the list is endless!
The transition back to work is tricky but I’m really happy with the balance that I have managed to create. I think it makes the time you do spend as a family all the more special, our weekends and my days off with the boys are full of fun and wonderfully busy!
We are now planning our wedding (with a little help from RMW!) which is happening in August…hectic but so much fun!
Hi Amy, as Vicky’s comment above, I don’t think there can be a “right” time – just the right time for you, and even if it doesn’t seem like it possibly could be you’ve proved you can make it work regardless.
22 does seem very young on “paper” but it’s more to do with mind set than how many years you’ve spent on earth I guess. Plus there is the argument that you are still young when they are old enough to look after themselves – you have plenty of time to do all the things you’ve ever wanted.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! so glad RMW is useful x
Hi Charlotte, really interesting post. I am in a slightly different place I suppose. I always had a plan and knew exactly what I wanted and when. I set up my dream business just over 3 years ago and when I was doing it, it just was not so great. I have now split from my business partner which was part of the issue and finding it really wierd to not have an exact plan anymore. I am thinking about setting up on my own but keep thinking, like you said, about maternity and options in the future if I am working just for myself again. A lot of my friends never had plans and that’s fine but I really like knowing what I am aiming for so I can plan how to get there. It sounds like you really have your head screwed on and doing great at juggling so things work out! Xx
It’s a difficult decision, more so I imagine because you have already been there once and it didn’t work out. What I would say is don’t be deterred just because you had a negative experience with a business partner/work colleague, it happens all to often, believe me. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having something to aim for, just don’t put too much pressure on yourself 🙂 x
Very true Charlotte. I will be trying something different next year I think, similar vein but slightly different. Hopefully it is a bit more positive next time. x
Good luck Laura, stick to your guns – I’m sure it will be a much more positive experience x
Hi Charlotte,
This post is so open and honest it’s really great. I’m 30 next year and most of my close friends around me are all trying to conceive or already pregnant. A lot of their doctors and consultants have said they will be “older” parents too, which seems a bit strange. I am putting this down to geography as where I live there are a lot of younger mothers.
I love babies but it’s a bit of a relief to me when I can hand them back and for a long time I have felt really guilty about this. I guess at the moment I just don’t feel maternal or broody really. I’ve not long launched my new brand and in a way this in my eyes is my baby, I still dream about adventures to far flung places with Gareth and weekends spent away sipping bubbly and maybe selfishly I’m not ready to give it up yet.
I have thought about childcare in the future as a lot of my friends have complained about the cost of it. My mother has readily volunteered to look after our children so I’m confident about this but I am still terrified of reaching 34/35 and being told I’ve left it too late xx
P.S I rarely buy into those “the baby looks like you” comments but Mabel is your image!!
Apparently you are classed as an “old” mother if you are 27 or older (!)
My brand for a long while was also my “baby” – nothing wrong with that, and what I hear time and time again is you have to be a happy person to be a happy Mama….I don’t think I would’ve been 100% happy if I hadn’t taken the plunge/risk with starting the business.
I still dream about adventures in far flung places too, only now we have to consider if they supply a cot or not….
Mabel has my eyes but Daddy’s full mouth xx
I totally agree with Claire (hi Claire!) on the issue of life plans. I will be 35 this year and never in my wildest dreams thought I would be childless at this stage in my life. Medically there are no problems ( hopefully) but I can only describe the last six years of my life as a total haze. My husband lost several members of his family in quick succession and together we stuck fast to our wedding vows and well…..just supported one another through a very traumatic time. Six years on and life appears to be settling down but in the midst of all that chaos having children has so far passed us by. I know I need to stop feeling guilty about that. Supporting my husband was my priority and we really had to pull together. However I know the clock is ticking and we have discussed getting a move on with things. Life throws us all sorts of curve balls and hopefully now it’s our time. Xxxx
Hannah, that was the expression I was looking for – curve ball! we too had our fair share. I’m glad to see you have both come through all of the traumatic times, it’s amazing how years can pass so very quickly isn’t it? lots of love and luck for the future x
Hi Hannah,
Life does throw curve balls at you. Just as we were considering a trip to the GP for investigation my step father was diagnosed with cancer. Instantly our ‘needs’ went out and supporting him and my mother came in. Unfortunately eight months after he was diagnosed he died. And while all of this was happening we were buying our first house together. No time for babies I’m afraid!
But like Charlotte said, if we had kids four years ago we would not have done all the amazing things we have done. Fantastic trips abroad and house buying would have been out of the window. We have had, and are continuing to enjoy our ‘us’ time and adventures. I guess you really cannot plan for what life throws at you!
xxx
Thank you – such an open and honest post Charlotte (and incredibly timely for me too after an emotional discussion on this topic with the hubby over the weekend). And thank you to everyone for sharing their stories and deliberations too. The decision of whether to have kids or not, and if so when is the “right time” is a frequent conversation at the moment especially as so many of our friends are on to their second children. I think I am just a born worrier, scared of the changes that a baby would bring to my career (although I am lucky to work somewhere with a good maternity leave package coming back to work will be difficult because of the lack of flexibility), to our finances, holidays and social lives, terrified that I’d be a terrible mum but equally terrified that we might leave it too late and miss out on the amazingness of bringing up our own little family together. When I imagine my future I’ve always assumed or hoped that there would be kids involved but here I am aged 31 selfishly thinking “not yet!” – will I just wake up one day and feel broody?! xxx
I know the feeling! I don’t think there is ever a right time. I’m like you in that I can talk myself in and out of having children and being off work on maternity leave would majorly affect our earnings. At 31 though you mustn’t feel guilty. You have plenty of time and as I said before who knows what’s around the corner! Xx
Ali, I was sat by a pool and it was one of those thoughts where you think “it would be lovely to have a little person here to play with by the pool…” and it grew from there. We discussed it and that was that, it was such a quick decision. I think the fact it happened so quickly after we “decided” was the best thing, we didn’t get chance to change our minds!
I think if you’ve still got pressing things you want to achieve that doesn’t involve a family then 31 certainly isn’t old! and it isn’t selfish either x
Well speaking as a relatively old hat at this baby lark, I have two of the little blighters, I can honestly say there is never a right time to have a baby nor is there any right or wrong in terms of returning to work, I’ve done both and can see pros and cons in both!
With my first born I was just 27 and eager to return to my day job as a buyer after 6mths, jumping straight back in to travelling the world and working fairly long hours, four days a week. My son thrived at nursery and he is now a well rounded, balanced little 7 year old.
With my second four years later, I was a little older and dare I say it ‘worldly’ wiser! I knew realistically I couldn’t go back full time, my husband has his own company and a long commute, how could I swan off to the other side of the world at a moments notice with two kiddies to think about? So I took a big decision to jump off the ladder to become a full time mum and as I sit here I don’t regret it one bit. I was able to breastfeed for a year or so, watched my little girl grow up from a baby to a toddler to a little girl and cherished every second. I also realise how much I missed with my sons early years, in reality I missed his first steps, probably his first words, I see now that I naively thought I was ‘having it all’ but actually my job was.
Having said that, again I have no regrets about going back to work, at the time it felt right and my son benefitted from being able to play with his little friends all day, making as much mess as they liked and is a super sociable well rounded little thing. He doesn’t remember me not always collecting him from nursery nor my trips away but he will remember me being there to meet him after school every day as I can do now.
My only concern now is how I’ll get back on this proverbial ladder, the longer I’m looking at it, the harder it seems to climb again!
Xx
Wow Vicky, a buyer’s role is tough at the best of times (one of my best friends is one for a fancy on line designer store) let alone with a baby, it sounds as though you made the right decision going back at that point though, you must have been the most organised person in the world!
I had never really give the “full time Mum” role much thought until I became pregnant, and even then I never considered it (or thought it would be for “me”) and even though I haven’t changed my mind as such, I have an entirely different appreciation for those that are, it’s handwork but so rewarding being at home with your little ones. Are you thinking of going back to being a buyer? x
I don’t think I could due to the travelling, not least until the kids are older and then, would I be too old?! I used to buy accessories and swimwear for high st retailers so had to have some sort of fashion awareness… I now go in to topshop and think it looks like more like a fancy dress shop!
I might take the opportunity to retrain, my passion is interiors and architecture so may go back to school as it were to see if I can fulfil my dream if being an interior designer/ stylist. Buying uses a huge set of skills such as budgets, number crunching, logistics, negotiating as well as a keen eye for detail, surely I can put them to good use??! X
Absolutely! you will have loads of transferrable skills from buying, plus there are loads of interiors courses you can take, on-line/evening/in your own time etc x
I’m one of those people who is totally organised at work (Outlook calendar full of reminders, meetings, emails organised meticulously & to-do lists every week), but in my personal life – it’s utter chaos!
I never had any sort of plan – I sort of knew what industry I wanted to work in (publishing), but had my heart set on editorial. Somehow I ended up in data/circulation! But I really enjoy it which is the main thing.
I didn’t plan on getting married (like ever!) but then Chris asked me, I said yes and we’re coming up to our first anniversary next month.
I’m not a particularly maternal person – I like kids but from about 4yrs up! I don’t ‘get’ the whole baby thing and I’m the last person who’ll ask for a cuddle with a newborn! I’m not saying I don’t want kids, but I just don’t feel the urge at present.
The problem is that it’s the first question on everyone’s lips! ‘Ooh you’ll be having kids soon won’t you?’ Erm, I’m sorry but that’s none of your business! These are not questions from my close friends or family – more people I work with or family friends. Both myself & Chris only started new jobs before Christmas and given that neither sets of parents live close to us (more like the other side of the country!) it’s hard to see how we’d even manage to afford having a kid, let alone any medical problems we could potentially encounter.
I don’t think it’s selfish to carry on working – both my parents worked and I fully appreciate why they did. I never felt unloved or neglected as a kid – that was just our family! I don’t think anyone has the right to say if you should be a working mum or not – everyone’s circumstances are different. I personally feel that I would go insane if I had to spend every day with a child (even if it was my own…!) but my view might change once/if I have kids. Who knows. The rate child care costs in London are at the moment, I might not have a choice in whether I can work or not – though to me, I think it’s incredibly unfair.
Sorry, that was more of a rant than anything else, but your post just got me thinking about it!
Hi Jo, thanks for your honest post, I think there are many that would think the same as you but not necessarily feel comfortable admitting it! I had some similar thoughts after we got married, and I became increasingly fed up with being asked (often accompanied by a “concerned” look) when I would be starting a family. Some of those folk gave up and have recently admitted they thought I never would at all (!) just because I didn’t take the plunge within a certain timeframe.
The London childcare cost situation is frightening (actually I imagine any area is cost prohibitive, its all according to salary/if it’s worth it I guess), a friend of mine “Nanny” shares with another Mum, it works well as the costs are split, they go between houses and the nanny has both children at the same time.
Parents do make a big difference too, we’re incredibly lucky to have 3 sets of grandparents to Mabel, all willing to take turns in looking after her, we will still need to fund nursery certain days a week though. x
Beautifully honest post Charlotte – all the big questions that are constantly running through my mind too. Similar to Amy I didn’t plan babies early but hoped one day it would feel like the right time… which ended up being just 3 months after we got married when we were 24 (and in the same year as changing jobs, moving cities etc) I had to quickly reevaluate my work situation and ended up using the opportunity to start the charity I now direct as I decided I need to do something I really loved and cared about as well as doing something that I could fit around a new family. I managed to get by those first few years with help from my mum and my husband taking some day time hours to do childcare as he also worked lots of evenings – we juggled it until both my children went to school and then the charity really grew and became much more established. I’m now taking some maternity leave for baby no 3- which is my first time off in 9 years and hard to leave my other ‘baby’ (work) even with a really great team. BUT I know that my work benefits my parenting and my parenting benefits my work. I have to keep remembering that. Thinking up creative ideas at work builds up a momentum that has a knock on effect at home and keeps me so much more appreciative of the time I get with my children… and the different perspective I get from being a mum is really valuable in my work – I really believe that we do our best when we put everything about who we are into everything we do- so my mummy aspect is very much who I am and needs to effect what I take of myself into work. As the only mum in a youngish female team at work I have plenty of insecure moments when I worry I’m not contributing the same as the others – but that really is the beauty of a creative and diverse team – we all have different skills, opinions and experiences to throw in the mix. I have the guilt side of being at work sorted… as for actually leaving my new baby and going back to work – I’m not sure how to do that yet either! Thankfully she is enough of a novelty in the office at the moment that when I do go in I can take her in and pass her round for cuddles… I don’t think I’ll get away with that for the next 5 years though!
And I thought what I was trying to do was a juggling act…..jeez, first time off in 3 years? that is hardcore, huge congratulations on the success of your business and your obvious dedication.
I totally agree on the we do our best when you put everything you are into everything you do, I’m now a parent, I’m “in it” and experiencing everything first hand so it makes sense that I should write about it – I originally didn’t intend to but I am genuinely enjoying the discussion and interaction. If we start that specific baby/family blog then I guess I’m doing the right thing 🙂 x
I am SO KEEN on that idea!!! And actually first time off in nearly 10 years! I can’t believe my first baby girl is finally going to be the big 10! eek! But I’ve certainly cut down my overworking habits over the years and cut down to part time. My rule is not to miss anything that will make me cry (which I’ve been even more strict on since they started school) so work gets juggled for sports day, school concerts etc. I walk them to school everyday first thing before I collect the car to drive to work, pick up from school at least 3 days a week (so I juggle hours and do lots in evenings) always make an effort with fancy dress days, baking days and we go crazy planning their parties and Christmas. Like with real juggling though you do pick up momentum. After a seriously busy few weeks at work I couldn’t switch off at home so Holly and me started making her party bags 10 months early. I had a lounge full of multicoloured hot air balloons made from lightshades and ribbon from October till June! (not very well thought out there!) But I’ve never found working hard zaps my energy for home – more the opposite. You’ll be buzzing with creative ideas for both. Xx (p.s. do the family blog!!!)
Oh charlotte such a great post. I was an avid reader of RMW when I was planning my big day which didn’t go to plan when I ended up being a jilted bride (so not in my life plan!) then I didn’t want to see any wedding related things at all! But I’m loving RMS and your chatty posts are what I have missed the most. Life is full of the unexpected (I ended up selling my house, quitting my job and travelling alone – again never in my life plan!) but somehow things always turn out alright in the end. Please do some more posts on how you are juggling it all as from the outside you look like the coolest new mum!
Katy… good for you peach, selling your house, quitting your job and travelling alone, so brave. And I know it must have been devestating with regards the wedding but I am a firm believer in everything working out for the best, and it genuinely sounds as though it has for you. So pleased you are enjoying the posts, I seem to only be able to write as I speak so glad that the whole “chatty” style is working x
This couldn’t be more perfectly timed post for me – my husband and I have just celebrated our first anniversary and as I turn 32 in August people are asking a lot about when we are going to have children. We aren’t so much the ‘total life plan’ people, but we have decided that we want to enjoy this year (holidays to Morocco and island hopping round Croatia and Galstonbury festival), pay off our debts, try and get as sorted as possible and then see what happens next year babywise.
With the fact that both sets of parents live in the northwest of England though I have no idea how we would afford childcare. Plus I work short term contracts so will not be covered for maternity pay which will also be incredibly difficult – but people seem to manage don’t they……….
I honestly swing from days when I think ‘why wait, lets just try now’ to ‘I am not sure that I ever actually want a baby’! So I’m really glad to hear that other people feel the same way.
Hopefully we won’t have any problems and we won’t have left it too late as although I can’t actually imagine having a child I also can’t imagine not having one if that makes sense!
B, it’s weird, I could imagine having a few children (i.e. sort of maybe 5 years old plus?!) but not a baby. I don’t know why, perhaps subconsciously when they will be in school I could see how that would work….does that make sense?! Where as having a baby just didn’t seem possible with my job.
I think everything you have said is perfectly normal, and sensible – we were in a position that although we didn’t expect it to happen so suddenly we were financially stable/felt we had done lots of the things holiday and life experience wise we wanted too – your holiday/trip plans sound amazing, quite jealous! x
Just seen your post Claire. Gosh i know exactly what you mean. It is about enjoying ‘us’ time and not feeling guilty for the things life has thrown at us. Lots of love to you and so lovely to hear that there are always happier times ahead xxxxxx
Exactly! Enjoy just being together and appreciating the smaller things in life, like breakfast in bed together on a Sunday morning/going out for coffee and cake. Life is precious, and the last few years have taught us it is very short. Lots of love back and wishing you happiness in the times ahead xxx
This sounds so familiar – I feel your pain. I too turned my back on a ‘good’ job (and looking back a generous maternity package as well – doh!) a few years ago to pursue a crazy dream to be a freelance writer. It was the best thing I ever did. I love my job (most of the time anyway) and always knew I would be a working mum. In fact, I’ve written about my maternity leave conundrum here – http://laurajanewrites.wordpress.com/2013/11/15/hello-im-a-mummy-and-i-love-my-job/). After having my little girl 18 months ago I struggled not with the ‘whether’ but the ‘when’ and ‘how’ to go back to work. It’s really, really hard, especially when it’s you’re own business. But I got there in the end and feel I’ve hit the balance now – I’m enjoying my work and savouring my mummy days too. You just have to do what feels right for you (not what anyone else expects of you) and your baby and not be afraid to delegate (it feels unthinkable when it’s your own business, but I was very lucky to find a fellow writer who was able to help me fulfil commitments when I was far too into being a mummy to write). Good luck and stay positive – there is a solution, it’s just a case of finding it!
Lovely reading your post Charlotte, it totally resonated with me and my situation.
I was back running my business after 6 weeks completely ‘off’ after my little girl was born. I remember my first day, I was on my way to an event our company was organising and realised it was the first time I’d been in the car on my own since having Sophia. I turned my Paloma Faith album up and sang all the way to the event, quite happy to be going to work and feeling a little bit more like ‘me’ again.
15 months down the line, I now work 3 days every week. I miss Sophia terribly some days and then other days, I’m so busy that the day just flies by before I get to see her little face.
I am lucky in that my mum has her 2 days and my mother in law has her 1 day a week so although I have considered nursery, it just doesn’t seem necessary for me to be spending that kind of money when our parents are more than happy to share the load.
It’s tough and you feel tremendous guilt when it’s your business. I have a business partner (Abbi) who works full time and when I’m with Sophia on my days off, I feel guilty I’m not in the office working on the business with her and then some days, I feel so guilty when I’m sat at my desk and receive a Whats app picture from my mum of Sophia playing at her house. You just can’t win. I have learnt to accept the guilt and face the fact that, for as long as I’m a working mum, I’ll always have that feeling. The ‘looks’ I get from my 80 odd year old grandmas and the remarks they send my way can sometimes make me question my decision to run a business and have a baby but as my mum always says, they’re old school and times have most definitely changed since their days of raising kids.
Having a baby is wonderful and such a learning curve (well for me anyway) and I feel really lucky to be able to share two precious days with her every week, just us. I don’t think I’d appreciate her as much if I were with her full time but I don’t suppose you know that for definite unless you’re in that position. And I agree with you, since having a baby, I have so much respect to full time mums, the hardest job ever!
Good luck with everything xx
This is just such a lovely post and discussion from everyone. I didn’t have a plan as such but when we did decide to start trying it didn’t quite go as I hoped and after a few early miscarriages I became the obsessed baby person I didn’t want to be. Luckily my little girl arrived a year or so later and I managed to take nearly 14 months off work (12 months maternity plus some holiday) which was wonderful. I decided to return to the crazy world of advertising 4 days a week with mum having her 2 days and 2 days in nursery. Then 3 months before I was due to start back at work I found out I was pregnant again! Not planned and so on my second day back at work I had to impart the news that I was indeed pregnant again. Lets just say it didn’t go down too well and the F word was used! I really enjoyed those 6 months back at work and although crazy busy it was great to be back. There were then lots of questions as to what to do as putting 2 little ones in nursery was expensive and my job was pretty full on requiring meetings and travel for various photoshoots and TV edits. All great fun but not so much with 2 little ones. I had already started my cake business a few years ago and so decided to focus on this which has been great and I already have 2 very willing helpers – mainly of the eating kind! In addition I have kept working 2 days a week in a similar role to my old job but at a lovely baby company which I enjoy as its nice to have adult conversation and I find I’m full of ideas. Plus mum has the girls which is brilliant. It’s hard work and a bit full on during wedding season but I love it as I’m doing what I enjoy and get to spend time with the little ones. I’m sure you will balance it all perfectly and continue to make an amazing success of being a mummy and managing the RM empire! x
Choosing when is the right time to have a baby is such a hard decision (that is of course if you get to choose) We had been thinking about it for a long time and decided 18 months after we were married was the the time to just go for it. I have always been very ambitious and at 33 I felt I had put enough time in to be able to step out of it temporarily, however when I found out we were pregnant, it was scary, will we have enough money, how will I cope with all the overtime I was putting in, how will I juggle the two jobs and will I still be able to progress?! Stressful! I have now been off for 6 months and heading back in July. I had my first KIT day yesterday and I can honestly say I enjoyed it (it did involve a lot of tea drinking and talking mind), but it helped put my mind at ease, as I was starting to dread the idea of going back. I think you just have to accept that there will be a transition period and eventually you will settle into a new routine, as for the overtime, I will just have to be more effective with how I manage my time and hope for the best. Leaving Sofia is going to be extremely hard but, going back to work will make for a happy mummy in the long run and allow us to take her to special places and create lovely family memories.
Looking forward to hearing more posts from you on this topic. X
Great post! I’m late to the party but this really struck a chord with me because I think it’s something that women worry about a lot. In one of my first jobs at a large professional service firm, there was an article in the internal magazine about one of the high-flying firm’s partners who was female and had 4 kids. All people had to say about it was “I bet her kids love her nanny more than her”. I thought that was so sad – here was a woman who was so successful at her job and also had a family – and she was being judged for it! I made a point of NOT judging her and saying how awesome she was, because I think life is all about having passions and if you can be passionate about your family and passionate about your job then you’re one of the lucky ones.
I think the thing also about jobs/careers to remember when you start having kids is that – at some stage – those kids are going to get older/go to school/become more independent. It’s not that you forever have to step back to look after a baby who needs you for food/cuddles/life.
My fiance and I are getting married next year in June and I’m then starting the baby-trying straight away – we met when I was 31 and I’m now 33 so I’d like to get going so I can hopefully have kids in the next couple of years. Will my work have to take a bit of a backseat to my kids? Yes, of course. But then they’ll go off and start being little people with their own lives and I think the balance will shift naturally a bit.