It’s taken a while for me to be in the right mind set to write this feature, plus to be honest, I needed a decent amount of time in my “new” role before I felt able to offer any kind of help and advice on the business owner/Mama conundrum.
Mabel is now just over 7 months old so I now feel I have enough experience looking after a newborn and juggling a demanding career to be in a position to share.
I fully appreciate that much of this is post is specific to me and what I do, I have a team for a start – I’m not a sole trader. And I have an Adam. I think I am quite unique in that respect (!)
I’ll start at the end. You have to be organised, REALLY organised. And even then, all sorts of things just won’t go according to plan. If you beat yourself up about not being somehow superhuman then it’s like a domino effect – you’ll feel shitty and unmotivated. You can only do the best that you can do. And in my book that is plenty good enough.
As you probably know by now I fell pregnant far far sooner than expected. A baby simply didn’t factor in my 2014 business plan. Of course we were thrilled, but I won’t fib and try and make out I was all “Oh these things happen, it’ll be just fine!”. I wasn’t. There was many an occasion where I wanted to shut myself in a dark room, drink gin and cry a bit. Of course I didn’t (and couldn’t – specifically the gin part!) but I spent a good few months feeling completely out of my depth and unable to process or quantify what was going to be required of me in terms of my Managing Director responsibilities combined with motherhood.
The end again, you can’t predict the future. Don’t waste time trying to figure out what you have absolutely no chance of knowing. Endeavour to spend the time deciding on what you think you can realistically manage in terms of maternity leave and go from there. If you are passionate about what you do your business isn’t going to suffer just because you can’t give it 100% for a while.
I took two months maternity “leave” and then returned 2 days a week for a further 6 weeks. After that I was pretty much back full time, although I had to work around Mabel’s naps, when I could get help from my husband or family in terms of childcare whilst trying to spend as much time with Mabel as was physically possibly. In advance of my leave I put together several posts that would be published in my absence. In order to do this there were other tasks that had to be delegated or simply put to the back of the queue. This brings me onto another point – prioritisation. No matter what you do some things will be more important then others. It’s a fact of life. Without any posts there isn’t a blog, it’s as simple as that.
I was concerned that I might lose my writing and inspiration mojo. Ie, I would become all consumed with my baby and my duties as a mother and everything else would go to hell. The thing is, I wanted to become all consumed with my baby, why shouldn’t I? Mabel is my firstborn, my world and as it happens, my biggest inspiration. I firmly believe that anything you are 100% engaged with in your life and truly passionate about creates gateways for alternative avenues.
For example, I had zero plans to include a maternity section in Rock My Style….then look what happened! Blogging is quite unique in that respect, the best things to write about are the things you know, the things you love and the things you are experiencing in the here and now. It won’t come as a surprise to those that are aware of Rock My Wedding that for a time I took more of a back seat in terms of day to day management which enabled a very enthusiastic and talented team to grow and prosper. It’s not that I don’t still love weddings – I do, but it had been an awful long time (almost 5 years) where I was completely committed to one very particular subject. And that’s tough – to remain inspired and produce amazing output when the aforementioned subject is so far removed from the current cycle of your personal life (James and I were married in May 2009).
Sometimes a break is exactly what you need to recharge and come back all guns blazing. My first major “return” project was to style and direct what will be the editorial for the January 2015 Rock My Wedding magazine. I was concerned that I wouldn’t have any original ideas. That I wouldn’t be able to access the creative area of my brain as far as weddings were concerned.
As it happens it was the most enjoyable shoot to date, turns out the super-organised Mama experience was put to good use. And rather than focus on the trends of the industry, the team and I did our own thing. Which is what we always do really. Another lesson, just because you have a baby doesn’t mean you’ll all of a sudden forget who you were or what you cared about and were interested in before you became a parent. Trust your instincts, just like you always have.
You can see a sneak peek of the shoot in the slider, sexy no?
And then there has been the complete re-design of the entire wedding blog. Lock stock and smoking (hot) barrel. Months of planning and research followed by many meetings and the actual “doing” i.e. making sure everything was as perfect as possible.
From what some may consider a rather shallow perspective, I always make sure I am up, dressed and have made some sort of effort to put my make-up on during my working “week”. It makes me feel like me, which is important – I feel ready to face the day ahead. No I don’t always have time to apply perfect lipstick (or any lipstick come to think of it) and up until recently my hair had 5 months of root regrowth so just looked permanently crap but still, a semi-glossy me on the inside makes for a happier shinier me on the outside.
Always making sure I get out of bed (caffeine helps) and an understanding husband who takes care of Mabel from when she first wakes up enables me to do this. I fully appreciate not everyone has access to what I know could be viewed as very privileged circumstances.
To Summarise
Becoming a Mama has been my greatest achievement. I thought it might mean that my career took a back seat. It hasn’t. New experiences will inspire you one way or the other. Promise.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Or admit you need it. No-one is superhuman, or indeed super woman. Except maybe Gisele. Or Victoria Beckham. I’m pretty sure even that’s just perception though. A dirty nappy is a dirty nappy and a sleepless night is a sleepless night. Even if you can afford to bathe in diamond dust and cover yourself from head to toe in Creme De La Mer.
Juggling a baby and a job means that there will undoubtedly be compromises. That’s a given. But the things that you “used” to be able to do will be replaced by challenging yet rewarding other stuff instead. Embrace the change. Life would be dull without variety. And my goodness, a baby doesn’t half provide that – by the bucketload.
No two experiences are the same. Don’t compare yourself to other Mamas. There’s no point. You will more than likely see only the very “best” portrayal of motherhood on the likes of instagram et al. There is, let’s face it, a generous helping of smoke and mirrors when it comes to print, online and social media. But that’s ok. When I’m having a meltdown, my house is a tip or Mabel has just thrown her lunch down the front of my cleavage the last thing I think of doing is taking a picture. And I certainly wouldn’t want to share it with the general public. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, I’m fully entitled to make my own decisions about what I feel comfortable sharing with the world, as are you.
You are more resilient than what you give yourself credit for. And you have to believe in your own capabilities. If you think you can manage a demanding career/running your own business/starting something new as well as motherhood then I bet you bloody well can.
As always, please feel free to leave any advice and experiences (for the benefit of other readers as well as yours truly) in the comments box below.
And if you do get a few minutes please do go and have a butchers at Rock My Wedding and come back and tell me what you think of the new “look” (does it seem familiar?!)….. it would be much appreciated!
I think you’re awesome!! Great inspiration and love the RMW new look. Have a great day xx
Thanks Rebecca! You too! x
Charlotte, you are doing so well! I would never have been able to return to work full-time when Tilly was 7 months old, for a whole multitude of reasons (No support network for one!).
I do remember my first day back at work with fond memories…. I had a cup of tea and was able to finish it while it was still hot and I was literally on FIRE. Nothing makes you an incredible multi-tasker like being a mamma; my colleagues still comment on how organised i am now (I secretly love it) but you have to be organised when you have a child; or nothing gets done 🙂
Keep up the amazing work. this is fast becoming my favourite blog (I do check in once a day). I loved RMW for a while, but similarly to you my life moved on from weddings a long time ago, so it is really nice to have a new place to check out 🙂
Have a good day – I am off to bed 🙂 x
Jess! So glad you love the blog! And I know what you mean about muti-tasking, sometimes I astound myself with how much you can achieve in a day (albeit being ready to collapse at the end!)
Have a nice sleep (I got to bed at 2am and Adam has only just gone!!! developing takes a LONG time) x
What a fab post. You are doing a great job juggling the two and I am sure it will only get better. I too returned to work when my little one was 7 months old and although it was heartbreaking leaving her, I needed it. I won’t lie there have been a few sobbing in the toilet moments and it has taken a couple of months for me and my company to realise you can’t just pick up where you left off. I have to be strict with myself about not working late and you have to be more organised with your time (humm still working on this!) But it is rewarding and it is nice to have some pennies again.
I haven’t come across many places that have such frank and honest tales of motherhood that I can really relate too, I personally find it really useful, so thank you. Xx
Louise, so pleased you feel it is quite frank, I try to be honest without being unnecessarily negative or moany. You are absolutely right about the strictness, I don’t find it easy – because of the re-design of RMW there have been many late nights but I hope that improves over the coming weeks.
So glad returning to work has been so positive x
HaHa just have to say I absolutely LOVE Mabel’s expression in the last photograph, cracks me up!
I returned to work part time (3 days a week) and I think this really helps me to gain perspective. Don’t get me wrong I adore my son but it is nice to have a couple of drool free days and racing to nursery to see his beaming face after work is the best part of my day.
To me Charlotte you are a super mum and totally inspiring! xx
Bless you Jennifer. That picture cracks me up too – it’s as if she is having a sneaky peek at my screen!
Her beaming face is the best part of my day too, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to the odd meeting in London where I can wear “normal” clothes, heels and have clean hair being a nice experience – it is! x
I was just about to comment to say that it looks like she’s sneaking a peek at the screen! Love it 🙂
Wow Charlotte! You’re doing so well at juggling all these commitments!
I must admit I’m the other end of the spectrum at the moment, but am finding it hard for different reasons. Samuel is 12 weeks old today and I’m at home with him 7 days a week. My husband and I are lucky in that we decided I’d go back to work after a year maternity leave – I’m a primary school teacher – and then only part time. I feel really ashamed to say I’m struggling with this. I love my son more than life itself, don’t get me wrong, but the seismic shift in my role in this world has been pretty tough to adjust to. I’ve had some pretty blue days where I feel like I’m losing my sense of self. I didn’t realise how much my work really contributed to who I am, and sometimes I feel like I’ve forgotten what makes me ‘me’ outside of motherhood. I find I clean, I feed, I change, I burp, I sing lullabies, I go for a walk, and then that cycle begins again and that’s pretty much my remit at the moment. I feel like I’ve forgotten that I’m me, not just ‘Samuel’s mummy’.
I am aware I sound incredibly spoilt and moany, but I know I’m very lucky to be able to take the time to raise my son without too many pressures. I just didn’t bank on the loss of identity that comes with not working (which I think is very closely related for me with not being creative – being a teacher is a very creative job after all!)
Thank you for these posts, they are a bit of a lifeline at the moment x x x
Hi Tallulah, you don’t sound spoilt and moany at all, it’s a huge adjustment. And it is difficult trying to get the right balance – you may find after a while the 3 days suits you just fine. Believe me at least once a week I think I’d rather do less, you can’t win – you can only do the best you can.
Without wanting to sound patronising or as though you haven’t already thought about it, have you thought about something new you could learn online whilst Samuel is napping? or any new clubs etc you could take him too? Some of the girls at NCT have quite an organised week where they do different music clubs/sensory etc with the babies – they say it really breaks up and brightens their day x
Tallulah, I empathise completely. Bless you, the first 3 months is particularly intense and with my first I felt a bit like this. In fact, the fact that she was the most precious thing in the whole world only made it harder that I knew I was strugging with my change in identity – I felt guilty that being her mummy wasn’t enough. At times it felt like trudging through treacle and I really couldn’t ever imagine feeling like me again. I didn’t have any friends my age with babies at all or a car… or the internet! My melt down happened when I went to a coffee morning and the subject turned to washing powder… I was in my early 20s and I thought that was the end of me…. I’d turned into a nursery rhyme singing, laundry machine lady who goes to coffee mornings forever more!!! It is so hard to see past this all consuming stage…but when it does pass it feels that its gone by so fast. I felt like my old self again after not too long and have even gone back to have 2 more babies and rode through that stage again – I can still be me and even enjoy the occasional laundry conversation (now I’m not scared that is all I have become!) Plus the older your Samuel gets the more opportunity you will get to use that creativity with him- even when you’re not at work. But I totally understand and think your honesty here is so refreshing. 🙂
This is a really great read Charlotte, I agree with so much of what you’ve said here. I was nodding along as I worked my way through the post!
I fell pregnant with my daughter while studying ALevels as a mature student, returning to my studies when she was only 9 weeks old. After completing my course {and securing straight As!} I headed to university. Izzy was 19months old when I started and she watched me graduate with a first class degree 3 years later. To keep things intersting, my son was born during my final year. I wrote my dissertation while bouncing on a birthing ball and sat my finals when he was 11 weeks. After a relaxing year out, I went back to get my MA. I always joke that if I ever do a PhD, we’ll have to have another child!
None of this was easy, but it does mean I’ve started my career with kids in tow rather than having to make adjustments after the fact. Now they’re at school and I’m growing my own business. In many ways it gets easier as they get older, but there are still challenges along the way.
The point you make about popping on your lippy and making an effort really rings true for me. You have to fight a little harder for your own identity once you have children and it’s so important to be kind to yourself.
Franky x
Thanks Franky! Good grief, I can’t quite absorb all of those things you juggled at once. You know the bit I wrote about Gisele and Madame Beckham? I think you could given them a run for their money – literally superwoman.
And actually I can totally see your point on starting to build your own business once the children are in school, it must make all the initial (very) hard work worth it now you are in such a beneficial position to do so.
Be kind to yourself – I very much like that turn of phrase x
I am only 10 weeks pregnant and I have to say the maternity features on RMS are fantastic. I have not found a better website for the type of things that matter most to me right now as my body somersaults its way through the first trimester (bright pink lipstick – genius!).
This – and your other – articles on work/baby balance are a godsend for me right now. I broke the news to my boss last week. He’s not the most PC of people but basically told me I was thorwing away my career and expected me to perform at double speed and with double results until my mat leave starts. I was left feeling utterly dejected and have spent the weekend wondering how I am going to cope, both before and after my maternity.
Your perspective is refreshing in its honesty and the advice is realistic. I’ve still got a long way to go but – with the luxury of not owning my own business – am already planning on taking a full year out and returing to work part time. I am hoping to return to my first true love – writing – during that time. I have been worrying that a baby might stifle my creative spark, so the fact that Mabel is a big inspiration for you fills me with confidence.
Keep these posts coming please!
Cat x
Cat this was such a lovely post, thanks so much – I just read it out to my Mum (!)
I’m at my parents today as Mabel is too unwell to go to nursery, I didn’t think it was fair on her or the other babies that might catch her cold/cough….best laid plans eh?
I’m so glad you have made a decision on your return after mat leave and that you will have a go at writing, your boss (if you don’t mind me saying) sounds like a first class w*anker. I’ve worked with a few myself over the years (!) and he has absolutely zero right to make you feel that way.
Your baby will be a HUGE inspiration Cat, can’t wait to hear all about your progress! xx
To echo Charlotte’s comments about your boss! That’s a pretty disgusting attitude for someone to have in this day and age, I’m not looking forward to work based politics (of which there are a lot where I work) when/if I ever reach that stage. I can imagine some similar attitudes, even if they are not expressed to my face!
A really good post – I enjoyed that. Just had a neb (I think that’s Scottish for a looksy) at the new Rock my Wedding – vg – much easier to scroll through methinks.
Keep on doing what you’re doing, it’s obviously working 🙂
Cheers Lynn, we did want it to be significantly easier to navigate so I’m glad you like it. x
I so enjoyed your post Charlotte, thank you. Reading your thoughts has helped me to make sense of my own business/maternity/mama issues, which until now seemed a negative situation which I was almost embarrassed of, I suppose. To split your life and responsibilities into sections, after being lucky enough to have this little being, has often brought feelings of guilt and pressure. Sometimes it feels like I couldn’t do right, for doing wrong. But hearing your story makes me feel, well normal! It’s great to hear a voice that says it how it is and doesn’t apologise, looking at the positives and being thankful.
Thanks so much for your comment Amy, I didn’t realise I was so frank – it’s only when people thank you for your honesty that you appreciate what folks want to hear – if that makes sense.
It’s interesting, I remember being embarrassed having to explain to the NCT girls I was only having 8 weeks off, I felt as though they might think I was a dreadful mother and put work before my baby. Of course they were not like that at all – everyone has been very understanding and supportive.
I’m so glad this feature has resonated with you x
A great post Charlotte. With my boys now 13 and 15, I am a long way away from juggling a newborn, but I did return to work early on with both of them, so completely relate to it. I too was lucky enough to have the support of my husband who’s a Fireman which obviously helped. To juggle it all myself would have been a struggle. 15 years on, we are still juggling especially now that Vintage Style Hire is now a full time job. There are many moments of guilt when I think I should be more of a domestic goddess, but a clean house is a sign of a wasted life! It sounds like you are doing an amazing job and being very relaxed and realistic about everything. The blog looks amazing. I wish I had an Adam! Do you know where I might be able to find one? x
Hi Kate! It’s so interesting to hear from mothers who have older children on RMS too so thanks for the insight, and congratulations on the success of Vintage Style Hire!
Loving “a clean house is a sign of a wasted life” – I’m going to tell that to my husband next time he comes home and there are my clothes strewn across literally every room (he calls me “the tornado” 🙂 ) xxx
I’m also a working mother running my own business. Thanks for writing such an honest view of being a working mama. I have to say I am so lucky to have the best option as I take my babies (4 months and 2 years) to the office with me. It’s ruddy hard work. I went back full time when they were 2 weeks old. We can’t afford nursery so when I have to schedule meetings I take advantage of every family member. I used to make phone calls in nap time but as my toddler has grown out of them I go and hide in the hallway if he is not screaming! Yes it’s not for everyone but when I’m having a meltdown moment i remind myself that I am providing what my parents provided for me and if I gave up (like I feel like doing on a weekly basis) i wouldn’t be able to.I am so lucky to have that opportunity.
Hi Cherish, thanks so much for your comment, I’m glad you liked the feature. Going back at 2 weeks old must have been such a challenge, you have clearly come out fine the other end!
It is amazing how those little windows of time (naps, engrossed in some toy or other) do actually provide the opportunity to make calls etc. It’s just a case of taking advantage of them (sometimes I just want to sit on the sofa and drink tea instead!)
Mabel is essentially in my “office” on a Tuesday AM and all day Friday – we now all work from home and gave up our HQ in March. Some days are easier than others but we make it work. x
On so many occasions I’ve been meaning to comment on your real, true and fabulous posts – especially when it comes to your ‘being mama’ write ups… but time after time, something has distracted me, and before I know it, it’s past midnight! Just like today, a little grumpy 4.5 month old has meant it’s took me almost 5 hours to finally grab 5 mins to leave a note. phew.
Although my planning business is nowhere near as demanding as RMS/ RMW, especially when I took the decision before life with AlanaBo that I would take on less wedding work {but this was made a little harder as I’ve been trying to support my other half when his company launched the month we found out I was expecting!}… but all along I have always been reluctant to fully let go of work and become a full time mami.
I advised my clients I would take 3 months off to concentrate on baby but I remember sending my first work email within the first week of becoming a family of four {which includes our dog!}
I’ve worked since the age of 11 so work has always felt the norm to me and then all of a sudden I was afraid that if I choose to let go even just a little bit of my work, it would mean I would lose my identity. But I now feel that’s not true. However, as with everything, to me it’s about balancing the amount of jobs plus family fun and tasks I know I can cope with. Not to mention, the other roles of being wife, sister, daughter and friend. But regardless of what I should be and what else I would like to achieve, I know my marriage and daughter has to come first.
It’s so sweet to read that you too feel Mabel is your inspiration. Who would have thought these little people would make such a huge impact to our lives?!
It’s good to know that some of the thoughts which have entered my mind does so for other new mamas too. I also thought I’d be seen as a terrible mother if I go back to work sooner than other mums I know/ have met – I remember someone saying to me that “If you can be a full time mum, surely that has to be the best thing in the world, right?” I felt myself well up because I knew I didn’t want to be just that but did that make me a bad mami? At the time, AlanaBo was 8 weeks old and I was still super tired – my excuse for feeling so emotional over one little comment! Now I think, not exactly, I’m happiest being both, whether working for myself or for someone else.
Last weekend was the first time in months I have finally felt I’m myself again and right now, the hubby’s home and have put the girl to bed, so finding a little time to be able to escape to these pages has done me wonders!
You’re doing an amazing job Charlotte and it’s incredible to watch you and your business continue onto bigger, better and more amazing things; as well as being mama to your cute Mabel.
And having followed your blog from the start… I can honestly say this is the best yet – loving the new RMW! xoxo
Hi Carmen, what a lovely and detailed comment, thanks so much for using your precious window of time to share! Really pleased you like the new site, it’s been a long time coming, we were a bit worried something so different might not be quite as well received as it has, fingers crossed all feedback so far has been positive!
You are quite right on the other roles too – I am determined not to be as rubbish as I was a few years ago whilst setting up the business, I really struggled to find time to spend with my friends and family but now I make them a priority, it’s just a case of Mabel often joining in too!
I’m happy to hear you are feeling like yourself again, it sounds as though you have struck a balance that is working well. I’m sure your planning business will go from strength to strength x
The new site looks awesome! Can I request that you somehow start a ‘new thing’ whereby it is ok to plan a second wedding so that folks like me who got married wayyyy too long ago can benefit from all that prettiness and plan another wedding?? (I do want to keep the same husband)
I love this post too – and all the comments. I love hearing all these thought processes. Its so good to know I’m not the only mama with constant debates in my head about what is right, what is possible, what is impossible, what will make me happy, what is best for them, how can everything just be wonderful for everyone??! I love your practicalities too – I have my ‘ways of coping’ too and have to have every bag packed for the next day and by the door ready, I email myself what I have to do tomorrow and my house has to be tidy before bed with packed lunches all made and lined up in the fridge. Clothes are sorted for the week ahead and I need to do my make up first thing even if I’m not going out. As you said, I feel like me and ready for the day. BUT I completely have that fear of going back to work in a creative job – what if my brain can’t think of any creative ideas?! Its such a pressure! I’m so glad you said that about being recharged. I am just hoping that will be the case. I have this horrible fear about returning and then being expected to think of something amazing and having a completely dead or very rusty work brain!! I’ve never had such a long break and so nervous for January!
I am still learning to juggle work and baby and Dexter is 4 months old. I went back to work after 2 months and still finding it tough to do everything.
It all takes a lot of planning, organisation and compraise, I guess we have to learn as we go along and make the most of everyting we can. xx
All I know is that you will always get more done during one single naptime than your likely would have done in a day pre-baby. Ethan has taught me focus like nothing else!