Hitting thirty was big for me. I know that it is a significant birthday for everyone but most people seemed to be upset about leaving their youth behind and scared of growing old and getting wrinkles, mine was different. Over the years I have been fortunate enough to climb the career ladder and finally earn a decent salary and it was only really I guess at thirty, that life truly became comfortable. We’d bought the house and the car and still had money left over to spend on going on nice holidays and out for dinner without thinking about the financial implications too much. It was a couple of years of living like this and the general lack of inconvenience that made me question for the first time whether I wanted children or not.
Many of our friends were having kids and seemed to be making the decision relatively easily to go head first into sleepless nights, not being able to do things when they wanted and (heaven forbid) purchase a people carrier?! Yes I liked it when they came to visit but still couldn’t get my head round the level of inconvenience and commitment involved.
Saturday June 29th 2013 was the day it all changed for me, it was the day I met my nephew Theo for the first time. Flesh and blood is a powerful thing it seems as having had a few hours with him that day I knew it was the first time in a long time, that I knew I definitely wanted a family of my own.
Let’s say one thing led to another (a lot sooner than Charlotte and I thought it would) and a couple of months later on a random Wednesday evening we found out Charlotte was pregnant. Being honest my first reaction was not of joy and elation but total shock. Once this had settled down, you can’t help but think about the future and what we had to come and how life changing this was going to be. Now I just had to get my head around loving something that doesn’t really exist and is no bigger than a raspberry.
Charlotte was fantastic being pregnant, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a touch worried about how she would handle the body changes as she can lack confidence sometimes. I’m sure it is the same for most women worrying about how they are going to feel changing shape so dramatically and whether they are going to put on a lot of weight. I thought Charlotte looked great with a bump, in fact most women look good with a bump in my opinion.
The whole process was a massive learning curve for both of us, from what Charlotte could eat, couldn’t eat, should eat, should do, shouldn’t do, green folders and what happens if you forgot these when you have an appointment (you’ll know what these are when you get pregnant), scans, NCT, the risks associated with being “our age”, C -sections, the list goes on and could get a little stressful, but throughout the nine months, at each stage, all I cared about was that we were doing things right and that the baby was safe. This this must be natural I guess.
I think the strangest part about the whole pregnancy for me as a Dad were the scans. They are incredible, the first time you see the baby with your own eyes is mind blowing, the day we found out we were having a girl was crazy (as you would imagine) but amazing!
The one thing I wasn’t expecting in the pregnancy phase is the ease and pleasure with which people seem to want to impart how hard it was to have a baby. I know a lot of this is said in a jokey way but after several months of “get your sleep in now, while you can!” and horror stories about sleep deprivation and never having your life back ever again, I’d had enough and just really wanted to meet my daughter and find out for myself.
March 26th 2014 was the best day of my life. Up until this point I thought I had experienced each and every possible emotion but when I first got to hold Mabel it made me realise how actually I hadn’t, everything else pales into insignificance. As I am writing this, she is lying next to me and each and every time I look at her it is the same feeling. I suspect it will be like this forever.
I am proud of Charlotte and fully appreciate that she has had the harder job in all this, she is a perfect Mum and it is clear to me that Mabel has had the same impact on her as she has on me.
So far I think we have managed OK and we are slowly getting used to life with her around and I’m loving being a dad. Yes there can be tough times but they are trivial in the grand scheme of things and you don’t really give them a second thought.
I am also happy to report that I have now immense pleasure in letting the people know who said “get your sleep in” that Mabel is really easy going and sleeps through most of the night already. Yes I was worried that it would be a struggle to have a child, the permanent tiredness, the lack of flexibility, the inevitable extra financial commitments but it is all completely worth it. I think back to when I questioned whether to have kids or not and can’t believe it. Being a dad to my baby girl really is the best feeling in the world.
I hope that I can give her everything she wants and needs (as well as one day maybe a brother or sister…) and she feels the same way about her Dad as I do about mine.
What beautiful words, it is so lovely to hear it from the dads perspective. Congratulations on your beautiful little girl, I am sure she is just as proud and will have you wrapped around her perfectly formed little finger, before you know it 😉 x
She already does 🙂
Such an emotional post. I say that from two perspectives, one as a mother to be (second time round), the other as a daughter whose father brought her up from a very young age after her parents separated.
Pregnancy is without doubt a massive life change. This is my second, however, 13 years apart from my son. So feels like the first time. Life is very different to the young woman who had a baby all those years ago. I’m older (that’s caused some problems), married (support and security), I’ve made my way in the world and I’m not doing this on my own as I did with my son. And that was hard. It is however still a very scary experience.
I’ve recently turned 37, and it’s been a difficult pregnancy from the off. All kinds of potential problems, and then the age and screening risks that came back as a high risk. It’s been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. My husband has been amazing, however, I admit during weeks of uncertainty and fear, I found it really difficult to accept that my husband could possibly be feeling the same emotions that I was. After all, we both deal with emotions so differently, I was the woman he the man, how could he possibly understand? I also hold my hands up and say I was extremely unfair in my assumptions, and caused tensions at a time we needed to be fully together on what we were going through. The day of our expected results he sent me a text that made me realise just how emotional the experience of pregnancy and impending fatherhood really is for a daddy to be. That all the fears i’d been feeling were felt exactly the same as my husband, only I’d been more explicit with it. But no less fear or love for our baby at all. Thankfully the tests came back and all is well and finally we can allow ourselves to start planning and buying in preparation for our arrival. 20 week scan today! Hoorah!
Despite this, I still have great insecurities about my body and pregnancy, and does my husband still love me! My first pregnancy I went from 8 to 11.5 stone and unfortunately I have yo-yo’d with my weight ever since. After loads of tears on Friday “you don’t know what it’s like to feel and look rubbish” and conversations with the hubby it cleared the air, and I’m feeling better about my body changes, and reassured that my husband loves me regardless and simply wants myself and the baby to be happy and safe. It’s so easy to forget what an amazing thing it is creating a baby together and nurturing while it grows. We’re both extremely excited, and after lots of scares will be relieved to have some sleepless nights on the horizon. My husband is such a good man, I’m lucky that the care of the baby will be equally shared with equal shouldered responsibility. I have no idea how our relationship will inevitably change once a little one arrives, however I am confident that my husband will be the father that my Dad has been to me. And because of my life experience with my Dad I am able to catergorically state that the father’s role and love for their child is just as equally as important as a mother, and should never be overlooked.
Such a lovely post. Thank you.
What a lovely story Emily, best of luck with your 20 week scan, your husband sounds like he is going to be the perfect Dad x
First of all James that was lovely to read and great to know what daddy thinks. I wish more dads would open up about how they feel and any fears they may have. Emily I can relate to your situation so well. My second baby is due in October, my daughter will turn 16 in December! I done it alone 1st time but this time my husband to be is by my side. I seem to be worried about every little thing this time, the joys if growing up. Fingers crossed for your 20 week scan. Good luck to you and your husband xx
This has me in tears! James has perfectly captured all the emotions leading up to and becoming a parent. My husband felt exactly the same and even though our daughter is now two years old a right good old belly laugh from her can still reduce him to tears. Brilliant post. x
Lovely to hear a mans view on having a baby! Congrats to you both again, you are obviously taking really well to parenthood!! Xx
Thanks lovely x
“the ease and pleasure with which people seem to want to impart how hard it was to have a baby.”
THIS. Times a million. What’s with people and their competitive hardship? The one thing I know for SURE is I vow never be that smug know-it-all; belittling new parents and prospective parents to be. They KNOW it’s going to be hard, they’re human, they have empathy. And eyes. And ears.
Very engaging post. Thanks for sharing so candidly.
We promise not to be smug know it alls!
What a lovely post. Just think how lovely it will be for your daughter to read this back when she is old enough!
One of the most amazing things about becoming a parent for me is the realisation that this is how my parents feel about me…wow! No wonder they still worry about me and call me to remind me to lock my front door!
I really saw a whole new side to my husband after we had David, he was never ‘into’ babies and I did wonder how involved he would actually get. I was poorly after the birth and he was fantastic, he stepped up and did everything for us – cooking, cleaning, every nappy change, dressing the baby, everything! He had no idea what he was doing at first but he learned very quickly – just goes to show a lot of parenting is instinctive. I think it can be hard for Dads as they don’t have the hormones and the physical link to bond with the baby so it can be a gradual thing. But when it does kick in boy is it powerful. As a mum and a wife there is nothing I love more than seeing my son and his Dad cuddling.
Kathryn James did the same, due to the c section I was really immobile, I don’t know how I would have coped if he had not been so hands on. Yay for super Dads x
Love this post – ‘getting your head around loving something that doesn’t really exist’ – so true! I guess that’s why all those worries are there when you’re deciding if you’re ready to become a parent (and why all the comments are so negative about the things you’ll miss out on) – because once you actually understand that little person does exist it completely changes everything and none of that matters one bit! I’m 5 weeks and 3 days into the sleepless nights with my third child – and would be lying if I said my head doesn’t feel like it is full of cotton wool and everything looks a little blurry – but the 3 hours sleep I got last night were not as special as the 5 hours spent with the two little eyes wide awake to learn about a brand new world and looking to me and her daddy for everything she needs. They are amazing indeed. <3
Cotton wool, what a good description Amanda! There is definitely some of that feeling going on in my head right now x
So lovely to hear a Dad’s perspective. Mabel is such a lucky little girl to have such wonderful parents. Something tells me you’ll be having a Daddy’s girl on your hands Charlotte!
We’re currently in the phase of everyone in the world asking us if/when/why not we’ll start a family, which I’m sure a lot of us are. Reading this, it really makes me want to (even more) give Lee the chance to be a Dad.
Congratulations again to you both and beautiful Mabel. xxx
You and Lee would have the most brilliant littles 🙂 x
Ah, thank you love. I do hope we’re lucky enough 🙂 xx
This post just absolutely made me smile. My husband and I are yet to have children, and I guess we are in a similar position to you before gorgeous Mabel arrived, financially secure and doing jobs we love. This is such an honest insight into the world of parenthood, and maybe for the first time, I can’t wait to experience it ourselves!! xo
In reality life is the same, you can do the things you love only with an extra person so maybe a bit differently I guess, having Mabel just makes everything more fun.
This is 100% spot on. Everything is so much more fun. It’s almost like you do some things for the first time all over again? Or you’re so busy trying to teach your littles ones about everything that you learn so much yourself. Even popping to the pub for a bit of Sunday lunch can end up being hilarious. We are so lucky to be parents. What a wonderful experience it is 🙂
Such a lovely post James! Great to hear from ‘Dad’s’ perspective. I’m blessed with 2 fabulous children (who are 18 and 15 now) and everyday comes with feelings of awe, wonder and love (as well as of course the occasional challenge and frustration!) I wouldn’t change it for a minute!
Congratulations again to you and to Charlotte. Mabel is beautiful x
Such lovely words! I’ve sent this straight over to my husband as we’re expecting our first baby, a little girl, in just under two weeks.
Finding this last bit so strange, we’re both just waiting for our lives to change immeasurably, but with no real clue about what’s to come.
Mabel is just gorgeous and such a lucky little girl! Xxx
Wow Tabitha, two weeks?! Seems like your beautiful big day was only yesterday. All the very best for a straightforward birth and healthy girl xx
Emotionally it does change immeasurably, but for the better. Congratulations for 2 weeks time!
Gorgeous post and made me cry this morning when I read it. well done on your new family xxxx
And congratulations to you Kelly xx
An honest and moving blog post. I sent the link to my husband this morning, and he phoned me back saying something like”please don’t send me this type of thing to my work email, as I found myself welling up whilst reading it”. We’re expecting our first baby in October. Time is moving slloooowwwlly.
It really is nice to read decent articles on baby related topics. I have struggled to find this type of blog, where I find the content not only informative and engaging but stylish and relatable too. I look forward to checking RMS on Mondays.
Tell your husband to get used to welling up 🙂
Thanks for the feedback Lizzie, I’m glad you are enjoying these posts x
Dads are so special and often don’t always get the level of credit that mums do. Don’t get me wrong, my mum is my best friend, but Dad, Dad is my rock. We’ve been through a lot together the past couple of years me and my dad and his opinion is the one I value more than any one’s. If Dad thinks it’s the right think to do, then it must be. You have lots of fun times ahead…
Lovely lovely post…when I was four months pregnant at a wedding somebody told me “children ruin your life!” Not the best thing to hear from a parent, let alone when you’re sporting a bump! It’s incredibly challenging in so many ways and nothing quite prepares you for it, but it’s amazing how we all cope and often go on to have more. Ultimately nothing else will ever come close to the magic of creating a new life…I’d swap the holidays, handbags and big house for it any day 🙂 x
I can’t believe someone thinks that let alone thought it appropriate to share (!)
I’d swap it all too 🙂 x
You’d even swap handbags?! Gosh this little girly has had some impact on you 😉 x
This post is lovely but also painful to read. Mabel is lucky to have a lovely dad as unfortunately that’s not a given. My dad was not much of a dad, he’s a horrible bully and I haven’t seen him in years. It’s hard not to feel jealous when I read about people with lovely dads who are their rocks. But you know what? I married a good man and when we have a baby I hope he is as good a dad as James. Good dads are to be celebrated, as are good husbands and boyfriends – because one of the best things you can do for your daughter is to love her mother.
I’m sorry to hear about that Annie, I’m sure your husband will be a great Dad, best of luck for the future x
Beautiful post James. I have to admit I shed a tear into my Fruit and Fibre this morning x
It is funny how we do not get to hear or read about what daddies think – at least around blogs – so it is really refreshing to have a man’s point of view – I have enjoyed every word and picture of this post and also think that it is quite brave of the dad to put his words down and go public. Wishing you all the best in the world 🙂
Thanks so much for your kind comment x
Ok, I have just burst into tears at my desk!
I’m 12 weeks pregnant with my first baby, my husband and I are contending with first trimester hormones, worries about baby arriving safely plus all the comments James mentions from parents telling us how life will never be the same again.
Funny thing is, that is one reason we chose to get pregnant, because we were ready for life to change, to take this huge step, to hopefully leave a legacy behind that was something other than a nice house or inheritance money.
I think James sounds like a wonderful dad and I found this so heart warming to read. his pride in you Charlotte as the mother of his child and of course his love the new lady in his life.
I am going to go home tonight and get my husband to read this. I can tell he is just as scared as me and I know this post will bring him comfort and a warm fuzzy feeling I just got from reading it!
Thank you so much for sharing James, your insight into being a new dad is so reassuring and makes me so excited to have our own little addition. What a beautiful family.