Oooh the great dummy debate. Controversial. Um…apparently. Like all things baby related you know my stance, do what works for you, regardless of the opinions of others.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t particularly have an opinion on the use of a dummy, even when I was expecting, I simply hadn’t given it much thought. For the first 3 months of Mabel’s life James and I didn’t purchase any, again, I don’t know why exactly – a few friends had mentioned them in passing, with everything else going on associated with the arrival of a newborn and the gazillion other things you invest in the subject didn’t come up. Plus Mabel was generally a good sleeper and a happy soul, perhaps we would have considered using them from the get go if the situation was different?
When Mabel started “fighting” sleep as it were a family member recommended we try a dummy (aptly referred to as a “pacifier” in the States I believe) so we bought a couple. Just like that. Mabel took to her dummy quickly. When she’s clearly tired but determined to stay awake we give her a dummy to calm her down, her eyes close almost immediately and she drifts off into the land of nod. We’ll then remove the dummy once we’re confident the process won’t wake her.
Sometimes in the middle of the night we’ll offer her a dummy if she seems upset, when she’s been unwell recently and cuddles and lullabies simply won’t cut it they’ve been a lifeline, for Mabel and for us. Sleep deprivation, as I’m sure you’ll all agree, isn’t fun.
I don’t tend to use a dummy during the day, I never have the need to really. We always take one with us on trips out, especially if the timings conflict with Mabel’s afternoon nap as it’s a sure fire way to keep her calm and settle her off to dreamland when she’s in an unfamiliar setting.
We use the Avent Orthodontic Silicone Free Flow Soothers
I don’t like the idea of Mabel becoming reliant on a dummy for sleep and where possible we don’t use one at all. It’s not the “dummy” itself per se, I just don’t want her to become too dependent on anything that eventually could mean a battle in the future.
So, there’s my personal experience in brief.
What are your thoughts on using a dummy? Do you? Have you? Will you?
Hi Charlotte, I’m a big fan of RMS and in particular your refreshingly honest accounts of new parenthood, it’s nice to find someone who doesn’t profess it’s all a walk in the park! Edie is currently 6 weeks old and is definitely a “sleep fighter”. (I’m writing this after 3 hours sleep, looking like the waking dead and can confirm sleep deprivation really is no fun!) So we use a dummy to help her drift off where possible, I’d sooner that than she suck her thumb and she often sucks her hands when tired/hungry! I’m a firm believer of doing what works for you, often as a new Mum you seem to be on one long guilt trip, generally as a result of someone else’s opinon, or view on what is right or wrong! My mum has been a great support and always say, babies don’t come with an instruction book so it’s about learning what works best for you! We use the same brand of dummy as you do for lovely little Mabel, although admittedly I found them for much cheaper (£2.49!) at my local Aldi, they are more robust that other brands we have tried and Edie generally seemed to get on better with these. We don’t want her to become too reliant on a dummy to fall asleep, but as it works for her at the moment we are willing to persevere, I’m sure after 6 hours sleep in 3 days the dummy haters would be willing to give one a go too!! x x
ha ha If only they did come with an instruction book!
I was a thumb sucker and it effected my teeth so I’m hoping Mabel doesn’t become that way inclined. The dummy definitely “soothes” her to sleep when she is agitated and I don’t see how there can be anything wrong with that, it’s better for her and for us.
Mabel was coughing all night bless her so I’m just having a STRONG coffee 🙂 x
sounds like you are using it the ‘right’ way. I hate seeing toddlers with them in at soft play for example. it must affect social interaction and speech development. it should be a sleep aid/comforter not a way to silence a child.
I was talking to a Primary School teacher at the weekend Kathryn who said they can be used to excess which could effect speech development, I’m unsure what the studies were/involved though to determine this. I love Mabel’s babble, I can’t imagine wanting to silence her! x
Ooh good timing for me as we’ve just been debating the use of a dummy! My daughter is 5 months and we didn’t use one initially because I wanted to breastfeed and they advise against it for the first month or so don’t they, and then after that she just never seemed to need one, like Mabel. However in the last week she’s been really hard to get off to sleep on a night so after a few evenings spent pacing the house with all the lights off shushing like mad (haha) we tried a dummy…. Turns out she didn’t have a clue what to do with it!! I can only assume it’s because I’m still breastfeeding and she hasn’t figured out how to suck from a bottle yet either (I’ve tried but no luck). So that was that! I wouldn’t rule out trying it again in future, my only thought is that I wouldn’t want her to rely on it and start demanding it whilst awake and then have a battle to get it off her one day… Though it seems like leaving it for Father Christmas is a popular method but that only gives you one opportunity per year! x
Hi Sarah! Friends of mine tied their daughters to a balloon and watched it “float” away!
In the early months white noise really worked for us, sometimes we’ll put lullabies/nursery rhymes on the iPad and that distracts her enough so she falls asleep x
Flora’s nearly 11 months and I haven’t used one but the way you describe the use of one does sound quite lovely actually! They certainly can be overused and I think that put me off, also seeing one poked in a newborn’s mouth I find a bit sad for some reason.
I did try one at 8.5 months in desperation when separation anxiety kicked in and she played with it like it was a piece of broccoli so no joy there…! Think I missed the boat. She’s an avid breast feeder and finds me her solution to relaxation… especially from 5-6am. I can’t deny I love the bonding and the antibodies she’s getting but I’m dreading weaning her off in the next couple of months as have number two on the way so need her to have forgotten boob by April, ha. A dummy might have been useful at this stage as she knows no other way of being comforted other than boob. So what I’m saying is…there’s always something you have to wean them off and it’s gonna be a difficult few days when that time comes. I also may well consider introducing one with second baby at night to see if that works any differently/better. Great post as always xxXxx
I only BF for a month or so Sophie and Mabel was having formula as her night feed every other night or so even then so weaning her in that respect wasn’t an issue for us, I think it completely depends baby to baby parent to parent but I’m sure you’ll be just fine. Congratulations on your second! How exciting! xxx
My little man is now 2.5 and had a dummy when needed from 2 months. I never let him have it when he was playing and rarely used it at night. Eventually it became just for naps and he gave it up easily about 4 or 5 months ago.
Unlike you I had vowed never to use one before I had him but to be honest it worked for us and has done no lasting harm!
I hate seeing them in toddler’s mouths when they are playing and trying to talk. My view is if they are not asleep they don’t need them.xx
Just goes to show Sarah – not all children become that attached to them. I am very against them being used to silence a child – I like to think that doesn’t happen but it sounds as if it does!
I was the same as you and was never really bothered whether they did or didn’t have dummies. Molly was a monkey with settling. By 4 months she’d never slept more than 20 mins in the day in her cot, only on me, and I was at my wits end. I went off to the doctors leaving her with mum and came back to 2 hours later to find her still fast asleep! Mum had got her to have a dummy (apparently she dipped it in honey which I know is a no no but oh well!!). From that day on the moment Molly had her dummy she was asleep, it was heaven. It was only for nap time and bed time and stayed that way until she went to nursery. I told them it was only for naps but whenever I picked her up she had it and seemed quite reliant on it when at home. That became worse when I had Alice as Molly was only 19 months old and she just wanted her dummy all the time. It wasn’t fun as we had whinging and crying if she didn’t. At that point I wasn’t strong enough to take it off her as was far too exhausted to deal with it. Earlier this year when Molly was just over 2 we decided it was time for the dummy fairy to visit and molly has been great. She left her dummies in a little box and when she woke up they’d gone and she had a dolly instead. She’s been really good, albeit quite sad which broke my heart. Months later she doesn’t mention them and overall I’d say she is less whingey and moany. She does find it harder to go to sleep but so long as I sit with her she’s fine. We didn’t have the same issue with Alice as she wouldn’t take one, preferring her thumb, which I obviously can’t take off her!!! xx
Sometimes I just think we have to try different things, even if you may have been adverse to them in the first instance they might change things for the better, as your dummy dipped in honey proved! x
It’s mad all of these controversies in parenting, and I love RMS for always dealing with these issues so calmly, how nice to have an adult discussion – I cant go near parenting forums for the arguments and down right mean-ness of other parents, I mean come on – we’re all in the same boat!
I’m due to have my little one in five weeks time so I haven’t really formed an opinion on dummies although toddlers with dummies I’m not too sure about. It seems a shame that they can’t talk! I love toddler talk!
I plan to just go with the flow when my little sleep thief arrives. If he needs a dummy to settle he can have one at sleep times, if he doesn’t, I wont be giving him one. I have to say that if he is a ‘sucky baby’ then I’d rather he have a dummy than suck his thumb – a dummy can be got rid of, not so much a thumb!
Oh and on the subject of babies not coming with an instruction manual – my husband told me off for reading a baby book in bed the other night, to which I tried to make some remark about one of us trying to work out how to look after a baby, to which he said, and I quote, “I managed to set up and work my new iPhone without reading the instructions and that’s pretty complicated technology.”! God. Help. Me.
My husband was very similar, he wouldn’t read or watch anything birth related and we didn’t do an NCT class. We did have a nephew 14 months older than our son so we sort of knew what we were letting ourselves in for. Neither of us had ever changed a nappy before, or dressed a newborn. I used to be terrified I would end up breaking his arm from forcing it into a babygro! Your husband is right in a way, you will just ‘know’ what to do with the baby and Google is always your friend. Practice putting your buggy up and down and fitting your car seat. Those are things you want to be really confident with, and your natural instincts don’t really help when you’re clicking bits of plastic together!
Haha ha Kathryn I completely agree – getting a pram in a boot for the first time is designed to push you to your limit. I watched the lady on the tutorial video over and over swish and twirl her bugaboo into every possible shape option in about 4 seconds, gracefully and without the swearing, kicking it, shaking, sweating and hyperventilating that seemed necessary to me. All I can say is the first few times you go out stick to places that sell prams so that the well trained calm ladies can come and help you if need be! People are generally very kind and more than willing to help new mums. (I quite often pretend to be one just to max out the goodwill of helpful folk and not admit that I should know what I’m doing by no 3!) Georgina it will all feel very natural… kind of – its all one big adventure really though and everytime you feel you master a stage it all changes anyway! I dont think any of us really know what we are doing… so you will fit in just perfectly 😉
Haha. Last night I spent an evening watching the Bugaboo lady work her witch craft folding up the damn thing. I can’t master her grace but I’m confident that I can assemble/disassemble it – albeit with spilling out the entire contents of the basket and rolling the whole thing in mud! But that will do for now. I’ll get there.
Hubby was only kidding with the iPhone comment but it did tickle me. Actually last nigh (after the Bugaboo workout) we went to our hospital antenatal class and to my surprise he had all the answers! Quite the class geek! He obviously really listened at NCT the other week. I can’t wait to see him be a Daddy, the idea already makes me melt a little bit! x
Georgina I just did a LOL on the iPhone comment! ha ha ha! I’m sure he’ll be a great Dad 🙂
I’m glad you feel that way about RMS, it’s exactly as I wanted it – and any specific parenting/baby blog we launch in the future. I avoid all of the Mumsnets of this world, some of the things they say are downright vile and unnecessary. It’s like online bullying.
Funny story – some years ago there was a thread on one of those sites (net mums?) about Rock My Wedding (!) really bitchy and absurd. Someone said Adam was creepy for writing about weddings?! As if men what, don’t get married?!
Anyway we made them take it down and even the people behind the site were quite rude after we politely asked if they could remove it!
I vowed then never to read them and that one day I would create a nice, friendly and helpful place for new parents to share advice and experiences.
Phew, that turned out to be a marathon comment! x
How awful! Well you achieved your goal. And this ‘any specific parenting/baby blog we launch in the future’ sounds VERY exciting 😉 DO IT!
Its a funny debate isnt it. I never had one… and became a thumb sucker… until practically secondary school. I can still remember the nasty taste of Stop and Grow, the braces because of it and my mum maoning that she wished she’d given me a dummy because she couldn’t remove my thumb so all of mine have had dummies. My daughter is going to need a brace due to overcrowding anyway… so all swings and roundabouts!
I never had all the parenting articles that would have scared me to death with my older 2 but I certainly haven’t noticed any speech issues with them… other than my boy just will not stop speaking/singing/whistling ALL DAY and my 10 yr old daughter is far more articulate than me and its harder work than university debates were disagreeing with her. I think I used them in a similar way, to get them off to sleep but our dummy fairy didn’t come till Holly was 3 or 4. Niema doesnt nap in the day so she needs (read ‘I need her’) to have one in for a couple of hours a day just to have some down time. Its hard work babbling, shouting, grinding teeth and playing with socks for an entire day so I think we both appreciate a bit of a cuddle and some dummy time. I’ve just moved her onto the 6m plus avent ones. I bought clear ones which has made a fun added challenge to find in the dark at 5am!
Get the glow in the dark ones Amanda! x
Pah ha ha Amanda! Mabel now has the 6 month plus ones but this time we bought bright pink and peach as i couldn’t see the white ones against her bed linen for love nor money!
I was a thumb sucker but needed braces for over crowding anyway…I sucked my thumb right into senior school (!) x
I do totally need those Charlotte – I was in one of those minimalist ‘everything will be matching and clean coloured’ when I went stocking up. 5 minutes more sleep a night would be much better.
I’m a bit late to this discussion. Just wanted to say to all those Mums out there struggling with the whole dummy debate that just as Charlotte said, you should do what works for you.
My 1st child didn’t have a dummy for 6 weeks, for some bizarre reason (reading too much ‘parenting advice’!!!) I was against them. I was at my wits end one day 6 weeks in, she never slept, I was exhausted and basically just had a meltdown, phoned my Mum who popped round, gave her a dummy and she went to sleep. Happy days … not really, she still didn’t sleep but the dummy was a lifesaver and I would have gone under without it. At 31/2 she still had it, morning noon and night and I had to go cold turkey in taking it off her (I had tried EVERYTHING else before this option, even planting it in the garden to grow a dummy tree). She was distraught for 2 nights but like everything else, she got used to it. One thing that it never affected was her speech, she was a really early talker and also very clear and she had the dummy ALL the time. I don’t believe it affects speech or at least not that much.
My 2nd child didn’t have one for 4 1/2 months, she was a really easy baby but wouldn’t take a bottle for me (I’d had enough of breastfeeding), my husband suggested we give her a dummy to get used to the bottle teats. I did a HUGE long speech about how she wouldn’t take it, she only knew how to suck in a breastfeeding motion blah blah blah. He gave her a dummy, she popped it in, took it back out, swung it round her finger (I kid you not), popped it back in again with a huge smile on her face. She only ever had it for sleeps and didn’t become dependent on it. Her speech was also brilliant early on.
Basically … don’t listen to anything/anyone … other than your Mum … oh, and maybe your husband 😉
Dexter uses a dummy but my aim is to get rid of it after a year. The health visitor told me they adviced that babies use them for sleep to prevant SIDs for the first year. he geneally uses it to sooth him to sleep, like you when he is fighting sleep! (why dot tey do that!) he has nwo learnt to take it out himelsf, but can’t qyite put it back in again yet. I often find it on the floor next to his cot in the middle of the night!
We also use it as a burping tool as it helps regulate their breating and gets the wind up quicker.
I think if you want to use a dummy there is no probem in it, but don’t just use it as a mute button! Babies need to express themselves!
Matilda is now 15 1/2 weeks and we’ve been using a dummy since the early days. She’s breastfed and it’s never effected her latch, one of the things they warn you about. We found it helped soothe her with colic and when she has reflux as she produces more salvia when sucking on it which self calmed it without medicine. We don’t use it all the time and have found now she’s discovered sucking her hands we don’t need it as often. Like you we are taking things as they come and aren’t too worried about her having it, if it becomes an everyday necessity perhaps we’ rethink but for now we’ll continue to use it when she’s super overtired and is being a sleep hater!