Depending on where you are in your pregnancy and if you already have children, you may have already heard of “NCT” – National Childcare Trust, they are the UK’s largest charity for parents and respected independent provider of antenatal support.
NCT offers antenatal courses and workshops that will essentially help you prepare for birth and your new life as a parent; “exploring both the practical and emotional aspects most relevant to you”. The courses are not free – we paid £200 for James and I to attend 4 evening sessions of 3 hours each and a Saturday session from 10am until 4pm.
The course you are allocated on is typically about 6 weeks to a month before your due date which means the other folk on your allocation are experiencing the same things at virtually the same time. As each course is provided in your local area, the likelihood is these folk will live fairly near to each other. It was the “meeting people” aspect I wanted to focus on in this particular feature.
To summarise the contents of the course and workshops for me it was, at least for the most part, really useful. I have always absorbed information better in a kind of discussional “practical” environment rather than from a textbook.
Each group has a main group “leader” if you will who takes you through everything from knowing when you have gone into labour (!) to the first few months of parenthood. I’d heard mixed reviews from friends in terms of both the quality and depth of information supplied but James and I both learnt a lot. We had a different lecturer to take us through breast feeding specifically and she was great, not at all pushy and extremely knowledgeable. It was because of her I had the confidence to give it a go and persevere.
The only aspect I couldn’t understand was how little we covered on the subject of c-sections, and I couldn’t help but feel as though you were considered a bit of a failure should your “birth plan” go array… when actually for the safety of you and your baby, you didn’t have any choice. For the record, out of the eight of us girls, 5 of us had c-sections (1 elective, 4 emergency). It would have benefitted us greatly to have been supplied with more of the facts and less of the negativity.
Ahem. Off of my soap box.
Back to the girls. This for me, and for the majority of new parents I speak to, is the major benefit of enrolling on an NCT course. We have built a lovely and supportive network of new Mamas, all eight of us keep in regular touch – we have a whatts app group and there is a meeting organised every Friday, usually at one of our homes. Of course not everyone can make every week but it’s useful (and fun!) to exchange hilarious baby related stories, advice and experiences. I was lucky in that quite a few of my best girls already have children, one of them even having a little girl just two weeks before Mabel was born but even so, the group has been invaluable.
You will find us messaging at all times of day with random questions and reports on our babies latest development. It’s amazing to have people to talk to who are as genuinely interested as you in every waking moment and can restore your confidence when you feel like you are a crap parent, don’t know what to do for the best in any particular situation or you are so exhausted you just want to spend the day in bed.
The image above was taken on my living room floor (please excuse the tragic bloody rug, it’s a long story – we now have a new one ha!) when the babies were all around 7 weeks old (so tiny!). There is Noah who belongs to Saira, Phoebe and Louise, Mabel and yours truly, Eléna and Vilija, Lyra and Lisa, Miles and Becky, Florence and Lucy and Anoop and Bevleen. I hope we (and our littles) remain friends for a very very long time.
Joining NCT isn’t cheap, especially when there are so many costs associated with preparing for a newborn already, but if your budget allows, I would highly recommend making the investment.
Have you been to NCT or any other antenatal classes? What did you think?
If not are you considering it?
Hi Charlotte,
Our NCT antenatal class was the best money I ever spent! We were lucky in that our teacher was great and we found it really useful (the breastfeeding session less so – very much glossed over the reality and didn’t address that there could ever be any problems). We took the class to meet people too, also nearby and in the same situation.
2 Years later we are all still really close friends, seeing each other regularly. Sometimes just 1 or 2 of us at each other’s houses. But we have monthly girl’s nights out, and boy’s nights for the dads. We have had joint 1st and 2nd birthday parties, and a Christmas party.
They are my lifeline and at least a couple of times a week we text and catch up and check & compare weirdy baby/toddler issues or funny stories. Its fabulous watching the little ones grow up, knowing them from before they were born till now independent, cheeky, two year olds. And the great thing is that whilst we are all very different people (even from a wide variety of nationalities), we all get on well, its not just being parents that keeps us friends.
I strongly recommend the classes to all my pregnant friends for that reason – the friends who will be there when you are off on mat leave and sometimes just need an excuse to get dressed and leave the house 🙂
Hi LJ! What a great experience you had, one of my friends still sees her NCT group and Isla is now 7 – I imagine they will be in touch forever.
A lot of the girls do various groups together too, unfortunately due to work I can’t really participate but it’s been super for them, as you say – to get out of the house.
Wow joint birthday parties – Mabel and Florence were born at the same hospital just 20 minutes apart (!) perhaps we will organise something similar?! x
Perfect timing – I’m 33 weeks and we have our first NCT class this evening. Fab to read such a lovely post, because there is a touch of “first day at school” about it – and we don’t want to be the couple that don’t know as much as everyone else! But you’re absolutely right, everyone’s in the same boat…I’m looking forward to it! 🙂
I remember the first session Emma, it was quite funny – we were all a bit “rabbit caught in headlights” (!)
In that respect the course leader was really good – getting us all to mingle right from the off x
Hi Charlotte,
We did an NCT course when I was pregnant with my now almost 2 year old and loved doing it. For me it was informative and I really enjoyed the sessions. Our teacher even touched on hypnobirthing which inspired me to look into it further and ended up making for a fantastic birth! The main reason we joined up was for me to meet other pregnant women in my area and I have to say that for me, it wasn’t that successful, sadly. There were only 5 couples on my course and one couple had their baby prematurely (all fine!) before they got to start the course so it was quite a small group and then another couple left the country a few weeks after our babies arrived, making the group even smaller. I made a big effort which each of the remaining girls and we met for coffees and a couple of baby groups before things tailed off. Quite sad really! Perhaps we didn’t have enough in common?
One of my best friends did NCT and met lots of couples and has some fab friends as a result though, so I think its partly luck!
Hi Lauren!
I do think it’s partly down to luck you’re right – we were very nearly enrolled on a different dated course entirely. I’m so glad you found it useful and it inspired a great hypnobirth! x
Its so lovely to hear that this course is so useful. I’m due to start my course in early November and I was really unsure whether to fork out the dosh for it especially when I am in the midst of some serious and (a little bit costly – don’t tell the husband) nursery designing! But it sounds like I’ve done the right thing, so thank you! I’m a bit excited now! 🙂
Hi Georgina! bless you, I’m glad you are looking forward to it! Do let me know how you got on, and an update on the nursery designing as well please! x
Just to add that if some are debating it due to the cost, I believe most local hospitals provide free antenatal classes which I think offer the same sort of thing, so another option to consider! I was going to do both but couldn’t fit hospital dates around work.
Hi Lauren, yes you are absolutely right – I meant to mention that. I couldn’t find the time for both either but I’ve heard some positive things about the free classes (I’m sure they held them at my local GP in fact? ) x
We were so disorganised and went to the free ones the hospital put on at very last minute – it was just 3 sessions and I guess suited us as we could meet other people just as disorganised as we were! At the end of our first session we got chatting to a couple. The husbands bonded over their similarity of looking Italian. It turned out we knew of each other through a mutual friend and had heard loads about them as he’s an actor and had just been in Tomb Raider 2 (he gets killed in the first 5 minutes) so of course there was lots of quiz them about Angelina! Claire and I clicked strait away. She is one of the most wonderful people in the whole world. By the last of our 3 sessions she had already had an emergency c-section so our last NCT class was a trip round the hospital as they kindly let us all trapse in with our bumps and see a real life baby! We stayed in touch and a year and a lot of coffees and play dates later Claire and I set up our charity together and worked together with babies in tow. That was 10 years ago and for the first 5/6 years my baby Holly and her Joshy were always going to marry each other. We’re still in touch but they’ve moved out to the states now… but certainly friends for life all over that very chance meeting at our last minute NCT …and I’d love it if Holly and Joshy did actually get married one day!
Can’t actually remember how useful the information about birth was… I don’t think I listened as I was too nervous about that bit!
Isn’t it crazy the ways we meet people? it shows it makes sense to take as many opportunities as possible, you never know where it might lead.
I would love an NCT marriage! there is 5 girls to 3 boys though, there may be some squabbles 🙂 x
It so is! I have some RIDICULOUS stories attached to some of my very best friendships… Love the adventure that happens out of the most unlikely places…
For those whose budget doesn’t stretch to NCT, I joined a local aqua natal class when pregnant and met 3 other ladies due around the same time as me, which then extended by a 2 more mutual friends so we were a group of 6 who met up regularly when our little ones were babies.
Our children are now 3 years old and some mums meet more often than others (you find quite often once the talking about baby constantly stage goes you really don’t have anything in common) and ones like myself who went back to work full time can struggle to find time to catch up, however we all still are in contact and actually went out for a meal this past weekend!
Always important to surround yourself with new mums. If you can take every comment with a pinch of salt and remind yourself that motherhood is not a competition (this is something people are put off of joining groups because of, but often mums don’t intend to compete or fight – they’re just comparing) then these friendships can be invaluable. Even if they only last for a couple of years.
Hi Francesca! I haven’t experienced any competitive Mama’s (!) but I have heard about the whole thing from others. Well if it was a competition I certainly wouldn’t win, I have puke in my hair more than I don’t.
Lovely that you all keep in touch still x
We have the equivalent thing here (but it is free) and I count some of my ante-natal girls as my closest friends. I also had a C-section and feel the same way surrounding it’s negativity. Thankfully I am very confident in my decision and my C-sec was a very positive experience so I speak about it on a regular basis to try and combat the negativity!
Hi Jess, so was mine – the level of care was incredible. And my C-sec seems to have been a lot less traumatic (and with a shorter recovery time) than many “natural’ births of friends and colleagues. x
This article is hilarious, and really shines a light on the selective tendency of NCT content and diminished attention given to C-Sections etc…
http://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/london-life/friends-for-life-v-knitted-vaginas-richard-godwin-joins-the-antenatal-class-debate-9653557.html.
I did an actual lol at “BRIAN” 😀
Ha ha hahahahaha! At least they made some good friends 🙂
I can’t imagine anyone who hasn’t had children themselves becoming a lecturer?! but yes, c-sections were made out to be the worst possible thing ever. As were drugs. I had both.
Brilliant timing as I’ve just completed my last class of my NCT course (on Saturday). So many of our friends recommended that we fork out the dosh for the classes because of all the benefits that they themselves had gained from attending, be it friendships, information, handy contacts or just general reassurance. I found that I actually knew a fair bit of the information given already but the course leader was especially fantastic in offering lots of support and advice that melded with my envisioned way of parenting so that was really comforting.
If anything I think it was Ste that gained the most from attending the course. From the off his attention was captured and he learnt that actually he has a really important role to play in the birth. Initially I think he was concerned that he’d be standing about like a spare part watching me suffer the pains of labour and panicking. Ultimately without trying to sound like too much of a hippy – attending the course has empowered him.
And there’s the wonderful aspect of new friends and a support network too – we’ve already made plans to meet up with our NCT couples prior to all the births and have an active Whatsapp group so I most definitely would say that the whole experience has been worth every penny.
What a gorgeous bunch of babies.
I would definitely recommend NCT classes to anyone pregnant. I didn’t as I decided I would save money & just go to the NHS classes. While the NHS was excellent in terms of course content, the classes weren’t good for meeting people. No one was interested in meeting up & I have really regretted not paying for NCT classes ever since. Being on maternity leave and a new mother in a new area where I have no family & few friends has led to a rather lonely existence at times. I go to as many groups as I can to try to meet people and it’s slow progress. Hearing from other new mothers I know about how supportive their NCT friends are, I can’t help but feel I made a big mistake! If we have another baby I’m definitely digging deep & going to classes to meet other mums! You need all the support you can get!
Melissa going to groups is great, not everyone can afford to go to NCT and I do know of people that have met equally as good friends through baby sensory/music time etc etc
If you can go the next time though I’d definitely recommend it x
We were unsure as to whether we should pay for the NCT classes last year, as they were expensive and the NHS also offers a similar class (although not as extensive!). We decided to go for it in the end, for a similar reason to you, to meet new friends (as we were also fairly new to the area at the time). I’m so glad we did, as I made some really great friends who I still see regularly, and hope we stay friends for a really long time! It was invaluable in that respect, but also for the fact we felt comfortable in asking the questions you might otherwise feel silly about admitting you don’t know the answer to! Would highly recommend it 🙂 xx
Exactly Jeni! I ask the girls questions I would never dare ask anyone else for fear of looking like an idiot/that I don’t know what I’m doing (!) SO lovely to hear you had such a positive experience x
Did NCT in June in a small group of 4 couples and now that our babies range between 3 and 11 weeks (my little boy is 6 weeks) and we’re all experiencing similar things, I don’t know where I’d be without them! The course content with hindsight is hugely biased to natural, uncomplicated births which is all well and good but things do often change when the time actually comes – and of the group, not one of us ladies had the candlelit water birth sans pain relief that we’d visualised!! I think we all felt much better informed at the time though when we needed to make decisions: I’d said Id rather any “negative” effects were more on me than the baby and my NCT knowledge helped me choose an epidural rather than pethidine as pain relief when I really needed something.
If you can’t afford NCT (it is pricey!) I would say don’t feel like you won’t make a network without it; places like NCT, libraries and children’s centres all run free events pre and post birth (probably all easily found online through googling those services and/or using Mumsnet) and I’ve widened my circle by attending these and other local mother and baby groups. I would also say, make sure you DO form a network of Mums if you don’t already have one…even if you think you won’t need it, believe me it’s so reassuring to know you’re not the only one awake at 4am with a crying hungry baby and it makes you realise you are not doing anything wrong; it’s just what babies do!!
I loved our NCT classes, I meet up with the five other girls and their lovely babies every week and it’s been a complete lifeline during my maternity leave as I don’t have any family nearby.
My mum is still friends with her nct group 33 years on and – get this – my mum and my brother’s boyfriend’s mum did NCT together when they were pregnant so the boys effectively met before they were born. If anyone has a more childhood sweetheart story than that I’ll be amazed. I am hoping for an NCT civil partnership some day!!
Charlotte that’s a shame you didn’t get more info on c-sections. We had a full session on it and went through all the people who would be in the room etc and what to expect which helped make me feel less anxious about it. I think it depends on your teacher.
My only small criticism would be in relation to breastfeeding – I felt a bit brainwashed by it and although I’m still persevering with it I’m not sure the benefits have outweighed the stress it has caused! I absolutely think it’s great if it comes easy but it really wasn’t for me and I do wonder if I might have been a happier mummy if I’d admitted defeat! All 6 of our NCT group have breastfed (2 of them exclusively expressing and then bottle feeding – ooft) and I wonder to what extent that has been because of the serious bf promotion we got in our classes. Who knows. I’ll get down from my soap box now!!
i often think people see me as a failure for not attending NCT classes (she says still say here welling up about as shes writes and the baby in question is now 2!) but at the time I simply could not afford it, we had only just brought our first house when I was 5 months gone so there was no money in the pot what so ever, all spare cash was used to buy nursery stuff and we had to work over time for that. Now when I say to people that I didn’t go I always get a look of pity and distaste, it is hurtful, I can see how friendships are formed (i observed a group of mums in john lewis cafe recently on their first meet up post baby, all looking glam and thin and not tired, me exhausted shoving a cream scone in my mouth and a 2 year old shouting at me to draw pictures of spiders!) and I am sure if I could have gone then it would have been so helpful as I knew no one else with a baby (my total has since boosted to 1!)
It would be nice if they made them a little more cost friendly as everyone who has a new baby needs support and friends and unfortunately for me I didn’t have access to this and with very limited new mum groups I feel like I missed out.
Maybe next time.