As I was wheeled out of theatre and into my hospital room, a fresh dose of painkiller running through my veins and on that slightly surreal new Mum endorphin high, the first thing an extremely emotional James said to me (whilst holding a VERY newborn Mabel in his arms) was “…When can we have another one?”

I am not even joking.

It was at that moment, as you can imagine, not the first thing on my mind.

Various similar conversations later we agreed to discuss (and I mean only discuss ) the prospect of adding to our family on Mabel’s first birthday, which all that time ago seemed so very very far in the future.

And then Thursday happened – Mabel is officially one year old. It’s as if the last 12 months passed us by in the blink of an eye. I don’t know about you but the sheer speed of life frightens the living daylights out of me, I sincerely wish I had a pause button.

As agreed we discussed the possibility of another little. As I write this I realise the process might sound all rather clinical and business like – it’s really not supposed to, we would consider ourselves extremely lucky to be blessed with a sibling for Mabel, we just have so many variables to contemplate.

James and I both have our own companies, we don’t necessarily have the luxury of designated leave, this isn’t merely a financial consideration but also a matter of practicality – which one of us is going to have time off to look after a newborn and a toddler? Who will take on our respective roles if I/either of us/both decide to take some time out?

I have so much in the pipeline for the brand over the next 12 months I can’t begin to imagine how I would do this whilst expecting, let alone mixing in the actual arrival of a brand new bundle of joy and making sure I’m spending enough time with my first born. It makes my head spin just thinking about it. And yet no matter how much I am 100% behind my chosen career path, family always comes first. What if we decide to wait and then it takes years for us to conceive? Or because we’ve waited it doesn’t happen at all? After all, according to Kirsty Allsopp my fertility is about to “fall off a cliff”. I know this isn’t strictly true of course, but I’m not naive enough to believe I’ve got all the time in the world to make a decision either.

There is also the small matter of us desperately trying to move to a larger house (we put everything on hold when I found out I was expecting Mabel), ideally I would like this to happen before I am unable to see my feet. I think that subject may warrant it’s own feature – James and I have moved 7 times in our 11 years together and had some rather shall we say interesting experiences. None of which I fancy repeating. Especially whilst awaiting the imminent arrival of another addition to our already reasonably chaotic lives.

I am not used to not being in control. I don’t like not being able to plan. “They” say it’s never the right time but I’m pretty sure it’s not right now. It doesn’t feel like any time at all since I was heavily pregnant and terribly uncomfortable. And it certainly doesn’t seem as though I’ve felt like “me” for anywhere near enough time to feel ready to go though it all over again.

Yep. This is very much “me, me me” isn’t it?

I feel guilty for being so selfish. Because it’s not just about me.

Mabel is by far my greatest achievement. And in the grand scheme of things I had a relatively easy pregnancy. I know that I am capable of much more than I often give myself credit for (hell, we all are) so actually, why am I stalling?

When did you folks decide to try for a second child? Perhaps you are no where near this point in your journey as yet – but have you always “known” you would like more than one ideally?

Those of you that are freelance/run your own company – what have been your plans to manage it all?

Is there ever a right time?!

As an aside Mabel had the most wonderful first birthday party! I will be sharing it on the blog soon, in the meantime you can see some sneak peeks on my personal instagram feed if you fancy a butchers.