That’s exactly what James and I are at the moment. Life, particularly these last few weeks, has been crazy bananas. And I have this niggling feeling that everything pretty much revolves around Mabel and I, my husband always seems to be third on the list of priorities and that’s unfair.
Running a business and being a new Mama was never going to be a walk in the park (I know I need to write about how I am coping with this whole juggling act – in the pipeline promise!) and the truth is if it wasn’t for James there is no way on earth I would be able to do both. It’s as simple as that.
When I have work to catch up on in the evening James takes care of Mabel, when I go to my pilates class or spend an hour throwing myself around with Tracy Anderson James takes care of Mabel. When I’m going to be late home from a meeting in London James takes care of Mabel. When on a weekend I need extra time to plan a photoshoot or visit the beautician or research for a future project James takes care of Mabel. We went to my best friends BBQ on Saturday, in between taking it in turns to take care of Mabel, catching up with everyone and enjoying the sunshine we hardly saw each other.
This week I discovered I have been shortlisted for the Red Magazine Women Of The Year Awards 2014. This is without doubt one of the most amazing, humbling and unexpected things to have happened in my career thus far. James got the champagne out. I had to have a sit down and check multiple times that they hadn’t in fact made a mistake.
A few days prior to this bombshell my husband was offered a significant promotion at work, I know I definitely said congratulations but I can’t be certain I did much else. And I can recall quite clearly that I didn’t break out the bubbles. This makes me feel like crap. And a bit like the worst wife in the world. My nomination is wonderful but being black and white about it this news is not going to have any (at least short-term) effect on our future, James’s new role on the other hand certainly will. I work damn hard, he works even harder. And he does it for me. And for Mabel.
We are still trying to organise a family holiday, a whole week where we can spend some time actually together. It’s not for want of finding a suitable location – all of your recommendations were so gratefully received! it’s more a case of finding somewhere that has availability, and making the time to actually sit down and book it.
I am unsure at this point in time, holiday aside, how we become less like ships that pass in the night. Perhaps we can’t and I’m sure we’re not alone in this situation – parents that work and also have the responsibility of a newborn. I guess we just have to ride it out. I am going to endeavour to grab ten minutes as soon as this feature is completed and confirm our getaway. No really – I am. Then I am going to take myself to the shops and buy my husband a bottle of something fancy to celebrate his general awesomeness. Because right now I feel like the luckiest girl alive. And possibly the most selfish.
Can completely relate to this with 5 and 3yr old children as my husband and I have always juggled business, jobs and family life. It’s not easy and you’ll find new ways of getting through it as time goes on but holidays are so important for all of you, go and book NOW!
Heather I am on line I am on line!!!! also making a few phone calls to see what’s left, we would choose the summer holidays… 🙂 x
Aww Charlotte you write such lovely things. I’m sure Mr O’Shea knows exactly how you feel. My husband and me get to spend a little more quality time together in the evenings now our little Zach (almost 8months) is sleeping through most nights. Raising a baby is jolly hard work but is so rewarding. An hour ago Zach was flinging his food at me like a monkey (little darling) and now he’s sleeping peacefully in my arms and I get to kiss him without him ripping my hair out. Love your posts and Mabel is the cutest xxx
Jennifer it’s so funny isn’t it how they go from one extreme to the other, Mabel has been an angel all weekend pretty much (apart from bath time which she hates with a passion) which makes me think I could perhaps even manage two….ha ha ha, until we have another sleepless night that is!
Exactly! Zach loves bath times and always has but cries as soon as the plug gets pulled because he knows he gets his milk after and can’t wait. Mabel is so lovely and I’m sure she would love a little brother or sister
Tear in my eye reading this post. I can only imagine how difficult it is to spend quality time together once the little-uns arrive (I have all of this to come) But how lucky Mabel is to have two hardworking and inspiring parents to guide her. Sounds like you all deserve that holiday though – go and book it NOW 🙂
Couldn’t have put it better myself Georgina! I’m sure it will get easier Charlotte! In the meantime I guess you just have to take it one day at a time and try to balance everything in your busy life as best you can. X
Georgina I just said to Heather above, I have quite a few windows on my laptop open, it’s a case of trying to find what’s available in peek season and so last minute but I am determined to have something to look forward to by the end of the day x
This is so true of my life right now but you put it so much more eloquently than I ever could. Mine is usually a moaning noise at my husband for never being at home more. His job means he works away a lot or is working ridiculously long hours in the office so is home long after the girls (and me!) are in bed. I do know he does it for us but that doesn’t make it any easier and often I feel like I am constantly managing at home on my own, juggling work, the girls and my own little business. Come the weekends I often need to do things myself or there are jobs or gardening to be done and Edd just wants to play with the girls so we very rarely actually sit down together. We are currently on a little holiday to Devon which is just soooo lovely. Make sure you book yours soon! One week of togetherness before we get back to the usual routine. I think you just accept that life changes when little ones come along and you both have to adapt. It’s no longer just you two so unfortunately the time you have together is few and far between. But what you do have is a family and that is more important than anything so remember that and don’t beat yourself up about it. xx
Hi Charlotte! eee! I bet Devon is just lovely in this weather. I think in the grand scheme of things we are juggling/coping fairly well, I just need to be more appreciative and make more of a concerted effort to say thank you!
James may well be required to work longer hours now too, we’ll just have to deal with it as it comes I guess x
You shouldn’t feel guilty, I’m sure you do your fair share of childcare! To be brutally honest I think a good man will just suck it up for a year or two and accept being bumped down the list. I’m sure your husband is fine, he sounds very thoughtful and like a lovely dad. It’s not your job to do everything, it just isn’t possible.
It is really hard giving so much of yourself to another person, I can imagine with a business as well that it must be incredibly demanding – not just on your time but on your emotional reserves as well. I found that it manifested physically, I would get ‘touched out’ and just want to be left alone at the end of a day holding my little boy. It does get easier. Then it gets harder again and you fondly remember how good you had it with a non-moving baby who stayed where you put them! I recommend choosing a box set and snuggling up on the sofa or in bed and just having an hour or so at night relaxing together. It’s not exciting but it is comforting and helps you recharge your batteries and spend time together without the pressure to make it count, which can be a bit counterproductive.
You’ve reminded me Kathryn, we do need to find another box set (recently finished the Good Wife!) and actually make the effort to stay awake! we found we were so knackered that 20 minutes in one (if not both!) of us would be asleep. What are you watching at the moment?
James knew from the outset what it would mean if we were going to start a family – that I wouldn’t be able to take very much maternity leave and there would be many occasions when he would be required to be the soul carer for Mabel. It’s more I feel guilty for not showing my appreciation, or congratulating him on such a massive achievement. x
Oh Charlotte, this post has made me feel really guilty! Mr S (or as I should now call him, Dr S!) graduated last week after finishing his PhD & although I took the day off work to attend, I don’t feel I made enough fuss over things, and instead was a bit glum I wasn’t graduating with him since I have taken longer to finish.
I’m going to try and make dinner tonight & maybe get a bottle of something nice to try and make up for being a mardy cow at the moment!
Congratulations Dr S! that’s how I feel, that I didn’t make enough of a fuss, do you think balloons, streamers and a giant cake might be a bit much to have ready for when he arrives home…..? 🙂
Without wishing in any way to detract from the amazing support that James gives you in your career, it makes me a bit sad to read articles/posts like this with people saying ‘my husband takes really good care of the kids’. Because after all, it’s your partner’s responsibility to look after and raise their kids just as much as it is yours and the point is that you figure out between you what that means for you.
For some people it might be that one person is the main breadwinner and one is the main caregiver but the only people who should get to have a say in who that is, is the two of you. So often the assumption is that the woman is somehow MORE responsible for the kids but why?
Charlotte – you’re bucking that trend because of the career you’ve made for yourself and I completely applaud you for being honest about the fact that sometimes (most of the time?!) its hard work and that you need a partner to achieve it – and I mean a partner in the true sense of someone who is your equal in the relationship.
anyway, I’m waffling so in summary – great post and more stuff like this please 🙂
Hi Claire! Yes we take looking after Mabel very much equally, “time” wise at the moment it is certainly me over all because I am working from home so that I can take care of her, James doesn’t have that option with his job unfortunately but I know he would gladly take the opportunity if he could, he misses her terribly during the week. I don’t feel guilty that he has as much responsibility, just that I don’t show my appreciation often enough – especially recently. Thanks for the feedback – I don’t see the point in writing these posts if I’m not up front about anything, plus selfishly (!) it’s comforting to hear back from folks in similar situations x
I wanted to add a comment just to sympathise really! I feel like I used to be a thoughtful person, always planning nice things and remembering every special date and have found lately I have so much I’m trying to keep on top of that its hard to find the brainspace for these things. It is SO hard juggling work, babies, relationship, friendships, family and I have felt exactly like you. Its slightly easier once your baby is in a good sleeping routine with more of a fixed bedtime, you do start to feel like you’re getting a definite evening to yourselves. It can change again though, my little one is now 21 months and his sleeping is disrupted lately so we’re a bit more frazzled than usual. We both have busy jobs and a general mad house with a constant to do list and it can get in the way of your quality time. We had a holiday in April; just the three of us for a solid two weeks on the beach relaxing, talking and chasing our little boy around and it really helped us reconnect. We got into a couple of boxsets at nights whilst we were away and have continued doing that at home – not very glam but it has helped us make sure we sit down and enjoy something together rather than being distracted by chores/our phones/work. Get your holiday booked, it’ll definitely help!
I forgot one of my friends birthdays recently Lauren, literally completely forgot – I remembered 2 weeks later. Epic fail. It’s like my brain doesn’t have the capacity for so much information and gets rid of stuff in order to make room for new things!
I think I need to write a post about box sets so we can get chatting about recommendations – I’m not he hunt for a new series . Your April holiday sounds idyllic x
Charlotte, you write so beautifully! No babies here, so cannot imagine all the juggling you both have to do, but what is clear is that there is a lot of love in your family. You are very lucky to have James, James is very lucky to have you and Mabel is very lucky to have you both. xxx
P.s Congratulations to you both on your respective career news!
You are very sweet, thanks Sian! x
Lovely post. So true and I can completely relate to what you’re saying. It’s so easy to get so caught up in the whirlwind of early parenthood that you forget to say thank you to the person appreciate the most – I know I’ve been guilty of that as well. But I also didn’t want your massively, fantastic news to go missed too. Congratulations on making into into the Red awards shortlist. Very much deserved.
You are right, I am well and truly caught up in the whirlwind! Thanks so much Laura, I am still on cloud 9 x
I absolutely understand this post. I have two very beautiful babies 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. I’ve been back at work for 5 months in a new job and desperate to prove the the very male workforce (construction) that I can do it all. My hubby has, and still is, being simply amazing. I had the opportunity to go away for 5 days to London and he took a week off work to look after them and built new decking in our garden! He is super dad but we are completely neglecting each other. We both know we are and we talk about it a lot. We are in desperate need for a night out just to dress up and go out a date! Always too exhausted so put it off….Right this Friday I am taking us out to dinner!
Charlotte I must say I love your blogs. I was a Y&YW follower and loved your wedding and pinched some of your ideas. Only stumbled across this website recently and have been religiously catching up every day since! You absolutely MUST win women of the year. Just wish we could vote 🙁
Wow babysitting AND decking! I hope you have a lovely dinner on Friday!
Oh My Goodness YAYW, it seems a lifetime ago, so glad you’ve found RMS and enjoy it, and thanks for the lovely compliment on the awards – it’s super just to be shortlisted x
Until our little getaway at the start of June I think I was going crazy. Keeping a house in some sort of order (I am not the tidiest of ladies so really getting into the habit of putting things back when I’m finished. I blame it on my creative brain which gets easily distracted by whatever pops into my head at any given moment), taking care of the bubs and making sure he is getting the stimulation he needs, baby gym, swimming, colouring, reading etc etc etc and trying to keep my little business afloat. Jeeeeez Louise it’s tough.
Oh yeah, see, I didn’t even mention being a good wife! I’m also awful. Surely he should come before keeping the house in order but actually at times, that just has to come first else we could potentially end up living in chaos. You are not alone. My boy works his ass off too. He stays away nights in the week too which is hard because I miss him and Leo knows when he’s not here as they are the only nights he wakes throughout the night. Typical right? We have gone through this battle for a year now but our getaway really changed things around. We actually had time to talk. Actual words to each other. And now we have a cut off. 9 o’clock is cut off. Neither of us are allowed to work after then. So we get at least an hour or so where we can chat/watch tv/cuddle etc before we fall exhausted in to bed. And Sundays have now become known as family day. And I LOVE it. No work allowed, no visiting anyone allowed just the 4 (incl. the pooch) of us doing whatever the heck we like. Mainly slobbing and messing around and remembering what it is to be a family and how lucky we are to all have each other.
You’ll find a balance and I understand how hard it is not to work. Here’s to quality family time xx
I really like your Sunday idea – I think we could do with that, so many family and friends want to see Mabel though it’s difficult to say no to visits, that means we often don’t get a full day together as a family ever really.
I’ve become better at the work thing unless I have something REALLY urgent, I always try and finish by 8pm so we can have dinner together at least, we always aim to do something relaxing afterwards but then there’s the washing….x
Have a staycation. Dont spend hours travelling, just get a lovely cottage somewhere in this fab country and just ‘be’ as a family. Making memories and spending quality time together caring for your gorgeous baby as a unit. You obviously both care for each other and Mabel very much and a week away is all you need to confirm that….then you can go back to being ships again 😉 xx
Hi Charlotte! we are desperately trying but nothing left unfortunately, however we will DEFINTELY book something for next year mega early so we don’t miss out x
This actually brought a tear to my eye, and I don’t even have any little ones yet! It’s something that we’ll be considering in the next couple of years though, so I think it’s struck a chord with how life would change. Plus, your writing is just such a pleasure to read. I am pretty sure you’re not selfish! Huge congratulations on being short-listed, will keep fingers crossed x
Hi Siobhan! Bless you, I tend to just waffle on as I speak in real life, it’s the only way I can “write” 🙂
I’m afraid I am a little selfish – more so since managing the business and Mabel, I need my “me” time but forget that James needs his too x
Not much to say on the kid front but I have a crap load of box set recommendations when you do that post lol!! Congrats again on Red! Xx
Thanks love, very jealous of your Paris pics on Instagram! x
I can very much relate to this post. My husband and I live in NZ (all other family is back in the UK) and we have to make some serious effort to spend time just the two of us. Both of us work more-than- full- time (we have a full-time nanny to look after our daughter who is 28 months old now). I am regularly travelling and often out for supplier meals, as is my husband. To get a full week where we are both at home is a rarity. HOWEVER right now we are both snuggled on the sofa, our daughter is asleep, he is reading and I am online – it feels like bliss. Next week will be a different story – i will be out for 3 nights in a row, before flying up to Auckland the following week for 3 days.
Good luck with booking your holiday… hopefully as i am coming to this post a few days late you have managed to book one.
P.S this is my second post on your new site tonight. I have followed RMW from the early days, but once i was married I didn’t visit it often… i can relate to this site much more easily now, well done!
Hi Jess *waves* so glad you enjoy the site, and that you are finally having a relaxing evening! Your jobs sounds very much like ours – in terms of supplier meetings etc, it’s not as though we can do a regular 9-5 as such either.
We have actually discussed the possibility of a nanny should we decide/be lucky enough to have a second child, I don’t think there would be an alternative, it sounds as though it works for you x
Hi!
There are times where I think ‘ohmygod’ this is costing us so much money, but in all honestly, our nanny is worth every penny. She is a surrogate family member, who our little girl adores, she makes sure all the washing is done and some cleaning too which is a bonus.
My standard office day is 8am-4.30 but i will be answering calls or emails from 7am – 11pm weekends included *gulp* when i think about it too hard i know something has to give (we are currently putting off baby number 2 towards the end of the year) because i can’t have everything, right?
Did you book your holiday? We just booked 2 weeks to Noosa, Australia in September – I can’t wait.