This past four weeks or so has been like a roller coaster ride, we’ve had some of the most exciting and major developments ever at Rock My Ltd (more on work related stuff coming next Monday – I’ll try and make it interesting, promise), my daughter turned one, and I think we may have found our dream family home.
It’s been emotional. Ahem. I say this ever so slightly tongue in cheek – it’s all good. But I’m ruddy exhausted. The shadows underneath my eyes are really quite something, think blue/purple ombre but not in a pretty way.
Thought I would share with you the major changes that have happened since I became a Mama. You’re welcome. Please please share yours in the comments box below.
Major Change number one – The Constant Worry
I swear to God my frown lines have become significantly deeper in the last 12 months. I think about Mabel nearly all of the time when I’m not with her. I try my best think happy, joyful, pleasant thoughts….but most of the time I’m just worried.
*I hope she’s not too hot/cold, I hope she’s having a lovely time at nursery and doesn’t miss me too much (but I want her to miss me a little bit) I hope she’s not hungry/tired/bored, I hope she’s not unwell, I hope those stripy leggings she’s wearing aren’t too tight, I hope she knows how much I miss her*…and so it goes on.
Major Change number two – The Constant Guilt
See above. Only times by 100.
Major Change number three – You Learn To Juggle
James and I should join the circus, so skilled have we become at juggling endless balls. Admittedly we drop one (or two) from time to time – but hey, no-one’s perfect. I have never been so organised it my entire life, hell I’ve had to be. Regardless, It’s really very liberating.
Major Change number four – You Become Less Selfish
James and I have always been quite spontaneous in that we don’t plan much in advance – we’ve always done exactly what we fancy when we fancy. That goes for holidays, nights out and weekends away. Now we both have perfectly updated calendars on our phones so we can not only juggle more effectively (see above) but we can also make sure we spend time together just the two of us, as well as making sure we have some time to ourselves and to spend with our respective friends – i.e. we share babystitting duty fairly equally.
And no matter what we want to do, Mabel always comes first. Always.
Major Change Number Five – Getting Dressed Is A Mission
I have to think about clothes that are practical, yet I don’t want to look frumpy or drab. I have to dress for my slightly changed body shape post-pregnancy, yet I don’t want to look frumpy or drab. As I write this I am wearing my Sweaty Betty dance pants and a slogan T (kind of my “uniform” at the moment). My dance pants have Heinz biscotti crushed into the seam of the right leg and my T-shirt has the remnants of a bowl of cocoa pops down the front (I was trying to eat them, Mabel decided she would like to climb on my lap and the cocoa pops were simply in the way.)
Pre Mabel I am quite sure I had fairly frequent “I have nothing to wear!” days. Now I have them nearly every day. I have recently treated myself to some cute clothes – they are just not baby appropriate.
Major Change Number Six – The Pride Is Big. HUGE.
I have done things I’m super proud of. And some stuff that well…not so much. But I look at my daughter and I can’t believe that we have created such a beautiful, tiny perfect human.
She is by far my greatest achievement.
Major Change Number Seven – The Love Is Big. HUGE. GIGANTIC.
I love my daughter to the ends of the earth, much further than the moon, to infinity and back again. Sometimes I can’t breathe for the sheer enormity of it. It feels like Christmas and birthdays, picnics on the beach, permanent sunshine and an endless supply of all of the make-up on every single counter of Selfridges all at once….every. single. day.
I wouldn’t change a thing.
Have an awesome Monday all.
Good morning Charlotte,
Major change number 7 had my eyes filling up and I completely agree. Synchronised calendars, getting changed a couple of times a day, constant worry and finding myself just watching and smiling at my little lady!
I’ve had an amazing first 11 months with Isabelle and I’m building myself up to return to work next week. I love my job but I’m going to miss Isabelle so much I can’t even begin to put it into words. It’s going to be a jam packed, fun last week off together.
Enjoy your week, Samantha x
Thanks so much Samantha, what a lovely comment. Good luck with returning back to work, I won’t fib and say it’s easy – it isn’t but it does get easier, and seeing them at the end of the day is amazing. Mabel has been at nursery for over 6 months now and I still get teary some mornings, it’s just because you love and miss them so much I guess x
I love this
Thanks Sarah!
Oh it cut most of my comment off! I didn’t just say ‘I love this’ (although I do!) hehe I said that I have a 10 month old myself and it’s so hard to put into words how it changes your life and explain the enormity of it without sounding patronising and smug (that’s how I worry I sound to my friends who don’t have kids), but you have managed it perfectly here! x
Ha ha bless you! I know what you feel about the smug thing, it’s like “But, we’re just so happy though!”
H&M just delivered the cutest strawberry print dress for Mabel and a matching headband – I sent a photo to my husband as I know he’d appreciate it, it’s like, even the littlest things…just make you thrilled to the core. (Yes – even a £2.99 cotton frock!) x
Definitely, it’s the little things and I also love love love seeing how much my husband adores our little girl – we took her swimming yesterday and just watching them splash about together I couldn’t be any happier if I tried
Mabel has never been swimming – I feel pretty bad about it, our holiday in a few weeks will be her first proper experience and I can’t wait (I envisage taking HUNDREDS of photos…) x
This is such a lovely post! Friends of ours yesterday who are expecting their first baby this summer asked what to expect and I realised, you just can’t explain it until it happens. I now totally understand when my friends said to me nothing can prepare you for it. My life has changed so much, it’s much harder than I naively thought but so much more wonderful. Like you’ve mentioned, I find myself staring at Isla and thinking I can’t believe we made her, how lucky are we! I’m constantly taking photos and sending them to my husband just because it makes you both so happy! X
You can’t explain it – whenever I write something for RMS I always think…I don’t know how I can word this in quite the right way?! We have a couple of friends who are currently expecting too – all I’ve said is it’s an amazing adventure 🙂 x
Completely agree with every point…Love this!
Thanks Jills x
I am having my first (maybe it will end up being my only… who knows!) baby at the end of September. I enjoyed reading this but also felt a bit eeek… Loads of my friends have not only got one, maybe two, maybe three kids, they all seemed to have made their life changes look super easy, even though they will assure anyone that it isn’t super easy and they didn’t find it super easy – they just seem to have their sh*t together, like they were made for the job of parenthood. I am a ruthlessly selfish person -not in a bad way, but in a way that I am unorganised, spontaneous, financially independent and frivolous (just being honest), never got a dime in my bank at the end of the month as i would have bought an expensive cream on pay day “i feel rich day” and had to make sacrifices like living on beans on toast for the last few days pre next pay day (when guess what, i will splurge and be irresponsible again!) How the hell am i going to cope with needing to be a master juggler, look after someone else when i barely feed myself regulalry, etc etc etc. My Mum and Sister bought be a really lovely starter hamper for when baby arrives and i didn’t know what about 25% of the stuff is (a top and tail bowl, gripe water, boob pads?!! WTFlipping Noras!??) I know everyone will say it’s a huge learning curve and that you will get to know what you’re doing. I worry, what if i don’t get this big surge of epic enormous gigantic LOVE… i know that these anxious feelings are pretty common. Just thought i would share my personal anxieties at the moment… I am super excited about becoming a Mum though!!
Hi Nicola! Firstly I am a year on, I wouldn’t have been writing this post in the first few months, I was far too preoccupied with trying to learn what the bloody hell everything was myself.
Secondly, every experience is different – don’t think I (or anyone else) is a master juggler, as I mentioned, I drop balls – frequently. So does everyone else, but you get by, because it’s instinct. Cliche perhaps but true.
Thirdly – You will just be frivolous with gorgeous baby clothes rather than quite as many face creams 🙂 – you don’t have to change WHO you are, just adapt a little.
It is perfectly normal to panic – I’m sure all parents do. Possibly about something or other every single day, I know I do!
Super excited for you xx
Feeling totally reassured! Thank you!! Ha Ha – I am looking forward to being frivolous with baby clothes. Damn, all the mini things are so cute, I wish they did most of them in my size. I saw the most amazing swimsuit in Next kids yesterday – had a rather funny looking giraffe on it wearing a fluro pink eyemask and snorkle, totes amazing and totally inappropriate that as a 34 year old wo-man, i wanted it for my holidays!! Thanks Blog Queen, getting more excited each day (btw – we are moving back to the UK in June so have the task of finalising jobs, finding a house to buy, a car blah blah blah… don’t do life admin lightly do we!?) x
I just bought Mabel a new wardrobe because all of her clothes wouldn’t fit it what is essentially a massive chest of draws and a pretty big cupboard. I mentioned above I have just bought the loveliest little strawberry print dress and also a blouse for Mabel from H&M – it arrived this morning and MADE MY DAY. SO cute. It’s better than receiving a make-up order from John Lewis…yes, this is the person I have become.
Gosh June – only a few months away! we are also desperately trying to find a house, in love with one I saw at the weekend, James is just checking out the potential flood risks as we speak (it’s near a brook….) where as I didn’t even CONSIDER this aspect. I was just interested in the beautiful original wood floorboards. And the fact it was flooded with light.
Good luck with the move xx
You are too funny! Mabel’s new wardrobe is giving me style envy 🙂
Oooh your potential house sounds luuush!! It is so funny as I keep looking at the houses and saying to Jack… mmm… a pink door won’t really work with that brick work though (i would love to have one of those pretty Nott Hill places.. so going to try and re-create it. the neighbours will think we are well chav!) Boys defo have a more sensible head on their house-buying shoulders. Good luck – hope it is flood proof, sounds dreamy! xx
Our first night in our new home was 31st December 2014. Baby arrived (early) on 5th January 2015.
I had planned to spend the 3 weeks I *thought* I had getting organised – no such luck. Cue my poor mum / husband running around like headless chickens on the day we were going home from the hospital to get everything organised. We hadn’t even collected her car seat or sorted anywhere for the little lamb to sleep!
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is it all works out in the end. I don’t know how sometimes but it does!
(Oh and as for frivolous purchases – I *may* have just spent almost 200 quid at the Tom Ford make up counter at the weekend. Ahem!)
Lynsey – sounds like your role as super mum started with a BANG – loved hearing about your experience and sounds like it all worked out just perfectly without the three weeks of planning – nice one! Hope baby and house is going well and well done on that purchase, i want to go and play with make up now! x
I feel a summer make-up spree coming on….just not sure what to buy. I want sheen but not shine, also no glitter…but a bit of a sun kissed glow.
Have you tried a Tom Ford blusher? I haven’t yet but tempted…..x
I bought a blusher yesterday – coral naturally! It looks almost neon in the pan but is lovely on. I had considered a By Terry blush but Mr Ford won out.
Speaking of sun kissed glow, I also bought the Tom Ford bronzer in Terra. There is no glitter, its totally matte and it also has an ash / greyish undertone which hopefully means no muddy face scenarios. This is one that will need to stay on the dressing table though because it’s HUGE.
Also bought a mascara and an eyeliner, hoping to have a proper play tonight!
Let me know how you get on with the blush and bronzer! Have heard great things about both x
Loved this post Charlotte!
I have a 10 month old baby boy and had to go back to work full time a month ago.
It’s crazy how priorities change all of a sudden and like you, I think about him all the time and marvel at how amazing he is when i’m with him. I love your quote at the end – so much so that I think I shall print it and put it on the wall of our new house 🙂 Sums up completely how I feel! x
Ha ha ha Katie! love it. If you do print it out you must send me a picture, I would adore that!
Perhaps I should do the same?! xx
Ditto. That is all Charlotte, that is all. #properemotional
#pleasure #anytime #metoo x
Hell to the yes to all of the above.
Frankie will be 3 on Friday, and I still feel all of the above. I’m not entirely sure how she’s 3 already! I don’t think the guilt ever goes, or the worry, or the stress. But, neither does the pride. That just gets bigger and bigger. Especially when she tells me that she loves motorbikes, and would like a pink one…
x
A pink one?! Oh My Goodness….so cute.
Mabel just generally points at food but I’m secretly hoping that turns into clothes in the not too distant future (then I will have the excuse “But Mabel CHOSE it!”) x
So obv I have no baby related input as per however I did spy a Tom ford blush in the most perfect pink in a mag the other day and thought of you! Can’t remember the bloody name of it for the life of me but it was a Beaut and pop of pink! Also we have seen a house too that may well be our new home, going back on wed for a second look, victorian solid wood floors and bags of potential to make it bigger! Also I have already designed one of the cellars into a garden room!! Pah not like I am carried away! Fingers crossed for you new home and also excited about big rock my ltd news! Keep up the ball juggling you’re totes gifted! X
Alex, I have already re-designed one of the bathrooms AND an orangery type extension. I only saw it on Saturday……I hope the second look means you will buy it, so exciting! x
Me too! It’s some well timed exciting stuff after a terrible week. I may have also pinned a few loft conversions too as that’s the other possibility! Eek! Hope it works out and can’t wait for photos of cocktails in the orangerie! X
Well timed – thank you!
I am 6 weeks away from my little girl’s due date and am a mix of complete fear (will I actually be any good at this?), wariness (it’s like preparing for a house guest who is going to stay with us for 18 years and yet we have no idea what she’s into) and utter excitement that I get a new best friend (as long as she appreciates all of the Baby Gap clothes i’ve been buying) x
Cat, I LOVED your description here: “it’s like preparing for a house guest who is going to stay with us for 18 years and yet we have no idea what she’s into”
Spot on. I still feel a bit like that about Mabel, I was a total Tom boy as a child (“Mum, why does everyone want dolls? dolls are creepy!…can I have a remote controlled car?….true story.) Maybe Mabel will be the same? I just hope as you said, that we can be best friends regardless 🙂 x
Hi Charlotte
LOVED this post. I’ll never forget a colleague saying to me in my (wild and frivolous- and child-less) early twenties that your happiness as a mummy comes from seeing how happy your child is. At the time I thought…crikey that sounds pretty ropey…what about me me me?! But that’s been the biggest change for me as a mamma to a 2 year old beaut of a boy…to see him bursting with happiness as we do simple things like feed the ducks, or go for a walk in the pinewoods, or paint pictures for an hour IS what brings a smile to me these days. (With the odd semi-wild night in thrown from time to time too!!) Happy days xx
Laura the semi-wild nights are important 🙂 (Although I am unsure mine are even semi wild, I’m normally half asleep by 11pm these days!) and absolutely agree, seeing Mabel happy is the best thing in the world. As I write this comment she is having her pyjamas put on by her Daddy as she babbles away to herself x
Completely agree with every single point. My daughter is 21 months old and watching her swim without anyone holding on, made me want to cry at the side of the pool. (Thank you Water Babies!) I gave birth to my son 3 weeks ago and feel completely overwhelmed again like its my first time! So nice to hear that I’m not the only one who tries to be super organised and juggle everything whilst dropping the ball (a lot!) Fingers crossed I’ll fall back into the swing of things and the juggling will get easier! Btw totally agree and understand on swapping your own purchasing impulses for the baby clothes ones, bought Isla some sandals today and completely bypassed the adult sized ones! X
Ha ha Victoria I do the same! Went on The Gap website to buy myself some workout gear only to come away with zero workout gear and two pairs of tights with bears on the bum bit…..(Just to clarify, they were NOT for me.) 🙂
Hope you are getting on well with such a new wee one and a 21 month old, I’m sure in that situation many balls are absolutely allowed to be dropped x
Awww very timely. I have been following your baby journey Charlotte as I was a big RMW fan in the run up to my wedding and seemed a lovely coincidence that you had Mabel just a month or so ahead of my baby girl arriving last year. I have just returned to work and she is turning one next week and couldn’t not comment on this post, all of it rings true. A friend of mine told me when I was pregnant that you just had to get used to worrying for the rest of your life and once I learned to embrace the worry (ha!) I found things a bit easier.
I feel knock me down heart bursting overwhelmed with the love I feel for this little person and as an emotionally risk-averse kind of girl sometimes it feels just TOO MUCH! But I wouldn’t swap it for anything, she is my absolute world and I can’t really remember what it was like before she came along. That said, one of the weirdest things I think about being a mum is the complete contradiction of feelings all the time. At any time I am spontaneously wishing for two opposing things, which is a recipe for feeling a bit bonkers e.g. I wish I could have a break/I miss her I miss her I miss her or even feeling desperate for her to sleep longer overnight whilst also missing the silent middle of the night magic cuddles when she does sleep. It goes by so fast so I am trying to savour every minute. Sorry for splurge but I love reading about other people’s experiences of the crazy joy!
Hi Fiona! *waves* you have got the contradiction thing spot on. Mabel has been having sleepless nights recently – I mean as in up, 5 or 6 times. In fact she’s basically been sleeping in our bed for the last week because we are so knackered. But it’s kind of….nice. I like waking up to her face a cm away from mine (!)
Never apologise for a long comment, I love reading about other parents experiences x
Oh I second the contradiction comment and especially what you said about the sleepless nights Charlotte! I sleep very badly when our son is in the bed with us as he moves and kicks us all the time, but then waking up to his face on my face is the best in the world! xxx
Love this. You have totally summed up the first year of being a parent! My son is around the same age as Mabel (LOVE her name btw!) so have been following your blog and agreeing with pretty much every word over the past year. Please keep blogging 🙂
Bless you Laura, I will do my best x
Love this, love this, love this!!! My babies are 4 and 2 and I love them so much more each day it is crazy. Life has changed beyond anything I could ever have imagined but life is just super. I must admit I do quite enjoy being organised, planning ahead, sad I know.
Plus I love going to work and being ME. I come home feeling satisfied with my achievements. Switching from Work Stacy to Mummy is quite difficult. In work people actually listen, I don have to repeat myself over and over and I come home and expect the same outcome which clearly doesn’t happen with 2 toddlers. Really quite frustrating hehe!
Charlotte – have you considered a community so we can chat to each other? I just love reading people’s comments. You guys all rock 🙂
Xx
Stacy it’s funny you should say that….lots of plans in the pipeline, hopefully I’ll be able to give an update next Monday 🙂
I actually feel quite nervous about client visits to London etc – I worry that nursery will call and I won’t be able to get there soon enough..worry worry worry! However, like you said – I like the opportunity to be “me”, wear “Charlotte” clothes and lipstick and whatnot x
Charlotte, you really should write a novel, you with words it’s just ace, almost enchating. I must say every single point on this post resonates with me! I never thought the day would come when I found shopping for adult clothes boring!! And how easy it to justify spending a fortune on little people clothes!
Good luck on the house front, I hope it turns out to be flood free!! X
Bless you Danielle…funnily enough I have always had a novel (or two) up my sleeves, maybe one day 🙂
Hopefully we are going to see the house again at the weekend, James is just waiting for some feedback from the Estate Agents ref the flooding x
Your post totally made me smile as I can so resonate with all the major points that you have there. I think the struggle for me is really to make time. Especially to make time for date nights, make time for friends, make time to exercise, make time for hobbies, even make time for sleep and the list goes on and on and on…. And it’s super ego deflating when I realised i can’t fit into my old clothes anymore, luckily no one has given up their seat for me in the public transport yet thinking that I must still be pregnant. But at the end of the day, it’s all warm and fuzzy again when I take a look at my kiddo…..
Hi Adeline, goodness when you write out a list like that you realise that actually yes, there are a whole bunch of stuff to juggle and try and fit in, no wonder we drop balls. There have been a few opportunities for date nights when to be honest – we’ve just flaked on the sofa instead and watched TV 🙂 x
Oh I love this post! Sophie had her first birthday last month and is growing up every day, I can’t believe how much my life has changed and can’t really remember a time before her ( although I do miss those Sunday morning lazy lie ins!) I agree with all your points – esp the guilt, the worry and the pride! The love is insane isn’t it? This morning Sophie was rolling around on our bed, beaming with grins and babbling to me, and I can’t really put into words how it made me feel- just love that little thing so so much 🙂 Mabel is a lucky baby to have such an awesome mama – lovely post about being a mum!
Diana you are very sweet, I know exactly what you mean about the rolling on the bed scenario, Mabel comes into our bed every Saturday and Sunday usually, we all have tea (well Mabel has milk obvs) and it’s such a lovely hour to spend together as a family.
It’s difficult to remember life before Mabel was around, it was certainly less crazy! but also no where near as much daily joy x