You might assume that because I own my own growing company that I am for the most part, fulfilled. Certainly from a career perspective. And it’s not that I am unfulfilled as such, but more recently, I have been feeling as though I’m simply not….learning.
Apologies in advance if I don’t articulate this feature particularly well, I’m finding it quite difficult to explain. I was supposed to be writing a piece on fashion but then this got in the way: I was talking to a friend recently about the Rock My Wedding book, they concluded that I must have essentially achieved a life goal and where exactly do you go from well, here?
I wasn’t sure whether my immediate (yet deliberately stifled) reaction (which was some where between confusion, surprise and the desire to say “but there are so many more things I need to do”…) would come across as self-absorbed, ungrateful or plain old wanky.
Some aspects of my job allow me to be very creative and I appreciate that I am incredibly fortunate to be in this position. However, there are also the more mundane tasks that come hand in hand with virtually all businesses. The admin. The VAT returns. The endless inbox. Sometimes the constant juggling is just that – endeavouring not to drop a ball whilst simultaneously ensuring our readership and turnover continues to increase.
I am already starting to bore myself into oblivion so I’ll leave the work waffle there.
At the moment (much like most of you reading this piece I imagine) I am trying to make more time. Time to spend with my daughter, time to spend with my husband. Time to go out, drink gin and dance on tables with my friends (ok so this might be a pipe dream but you know, aim high).
I also need to make time for myself. And I don’t mean to go to the hair dressers, have a mani/pedi or spend a day in a spa* (although I like the effects of these things I also find “sitting” for hours painfully dull). I mean have the opportunity to learn new things. Improve my knowledge. Get to grips with a new skill or finally make a properly decent spaghetti bolognaise because seriously, how hard can it be?!*
My main issue is feeling like any new skill should somehow be useful for work. Which is why I didn’t pursue photography. Or floristry. Or any number of things that I genuinely enjoy. My hesitation absolutely and catergorically stems from running my own business – everything you do in life tends to revolve around it. Intentional or not. If I took up a skill that I can utilise for Rock My Ltd, will I be doing it for me?
But actually, I want to take lovely photographs of my beautiful girl. I want to know how to put together a seasonal bouquet to display in my kitchen. I want to read more history books.
I want to stop procrastinating and get the hell on with it.
I’ve made a start at least. I bought myself an Olympus Pen at the back end of last year and have been practising taking pictures in different light conditions over the last few weeks. I’d highly recommend it as a compact “first” camera – the kit lens is ok but fairly basic, more than happy to share some more info on the extra lenses I have and the phone photo editing I do (my lightroom/photoshop ability needs significant improvement but I’ve found my mojo with various apps) – just leave a comment if you’re interested and I can put a future feature together.
I participated in a 1 on 1 workshop last month where I learnt the basics of setting up my camera, the aforementioned lenses to invest in and how to make a pretty floral arrangement. The experience was also useful in allowing me to realise what styles I love and how to evolve my own.
I read this poignant piece the other day which if I could remember for the life of me who to credit, I would. They wrote that no-one is ever the finished article, we are all a work in progress.
I hope to still be learning new skills when I’m 90. And I’m beginning to understand that just because you are hungry for experience and expertise, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are neither content nor grateful for all that you have achieved in the present moment.
Do let me know what new hobbies or skills you are currently considering in the comments section, I’m genuinely fascinated to know.
*I have actually never been to a spa. I just don’t see the attraction. The team were quite surprised when I told them.
*My attempts are either bland or too tomato-y acidic. I’m not keen on lots of garlic and try not to use salt due to cooking for Mabel. Any tips or tricks are most welcome.