Whether it was a simple decision or marked by notions of traditionalism or feminism, social expectation or gender-equality, we all have our reasons for either keeping or changing our names after marriage. Despite sharing the same first name, Lolly and I came to very individual, differing decisions when it was our turn to make the choice about our last name after the big day.

Maiden All The Way {Lolly}

Where to begin… Well I suppose the start is as good a place as any. For the last 33 years I’ve been Lauren Gautier-Ollerenshaw. Granted it’s not the easiest surname to spell, it takes a while to write out on a form and it just about fits on my debit card. And don’t even get me started on the pronunciation issues that so many folk seem to have with it… but it’s uniquely mine and it belongs to me and most of all I actually really really like it.

I always knew that I would keep my name when I got married. Even as a young girl when everyone else was doodling their names combined with the surname of their latest crush on the front of their school exercise books, I just didn’t get it. Why did I need to change my name when I got married. Was it to prove that I loved someone? Did I need to relinquish a part of me to belong to someone else? In fact I felt a sense of grief at the idea that I might have to give it up, to become someone else, to take on a new identity. Realising eventually that I could actually tie the knot and still stay Lauren Gautier-Ollerenshaw was a lightbulb moment and a huge relief.

Ste knew from the early days of our relationship, even before we were engaged, that I didn’t (and wouldn’t) change my surname if we ever got married. He was fine with it, actually more than fine. I remember him saying to me that he wouldn’t ever take on my surname so why should he expect me to do the same. I knew at that point he was a diamond amongst men and a total keeper. All he asked was that if we had any children that they would have a mixture of both of our family names which was dandy with me.

I think the desire to keep my name also comes from the fact that I love being a part of the Gautier family; we are a family of strong women and see our name as a kind of badge of honour. My sister didn’t change her surname when she married last year and my younger sister has agreed with her current partner that if they ever tie the knot they will both take on each other’s family name. In the same vein I have female cousins who will and have resolutely stayed Gautiers too.

All things aside, I do understand the motivations behind those choosing to take on their husband’s surname at the altar. Having talked about the issue extensively with friends who did change names I can appreciate their desire to be a coherent cohesive unit – by sharing the same surname. It definitely makes things easier for hosts when sending out invitations that’s for sure! As it stands though, the name change is just not for me…

Name Changer {Lauren}

In all but one document I’ve changed my name to reflect that of my husband’s. My passport still shows me to be ‘Lauren Moore’ despite it being over six years since I became Mrs Coleman. Due to sheer stubbornness at having to pay an admin charge, I become single whenever I leave the country.

I am extremely proud of my roots but don’t feel I have to hold on to my name to reflect my heritage. I feel no disconnect from my identity in taking a different surname however I had a slight wobble when I returned from minimoon as to whether to change my name professionally. When I realised I hadn’t really established my career or achieved anything of real note I decided to embrace Outlook’s ability to adopt a new persona.

There is no other ‘Mrs Coleman’ in our family, my mother-in-law remarried when James was small so his sister has another name too. With his biological dad out of the picture, James was the sole Coleman until we married in 2010 and we both see a unique bond in that together we are the ‘only’ Colemans. Rather than feeling like I’ve lost my name and taken his, I feel I’ve joined a very exclusive and equal team of two. Roll on next year when that passport is finally up for renewal.

As always we’d love to hear your comments on the subject. Did you change your name when you got hitched? For the single ladies contemplating marriage, do you plan to keep your surname? Any double barrellers out there who want to share their views?