Pin Image

Post Wedding Blues

Author: Lisa Soeno

Post {Royal} Wedding Blues are a real thing. I felt bereft on Sunday, as I swept up the last of the crumbs off our patio and put away the champagne flutes, so goodness knows how Meghan must have been feeling. With that in mind, I thought it might be apt to ask my sister-in-law Mia how she felt after she got married last year.

Watching the glorious royal wedding (no matter your views, you must agree they are well practised in the art of Occasion) reminded me of how deflating the days after your own wedding can be. Your mental landscape littered and forlorn with the tatters of your own bunting, much like the town of Windsor, now recovering from Markle-fest 2018.

I imagine other new brides are like I was; post-honeymoon, exhausted and gently depressed as they scroll through the hundred or more weddingy Instagram accounts, hungrily followed a year or more ago, to harvest images that would construct their fantasy self. Or was that just me? I lived with wedding inspo at my literal fingertips for 18 months (thank you phone) and my level of dependence was worrying. When I got engaged, I had no idea what a bottomless appetite I would have for wedding details, the hours I would gladly spend poring over images of thick cream card with fine gold borders, hand lettering in watery inks, artfully undone bouquets that trailed wistfully up a pale and delicate arm, and of course, the dresses. I had to force myself to unfollow most of them in the first month of marriage. It felt good, freeing, but also like pressing a bruise. After many months of quality time with these images, admired again and again, I had a relationship with them. Somewhere among them was my best, most fantastic self.

In the first weeks after the I Do’s, I couldn’t look my much loved wedding inspo in the eye. I was afraid that each billowing silk skirt or whimsical flower installation would conjure fragments of my own wedding day for harsh comparison; the moment I realised my spanx had rolled down and had given me five bellies in all the photos. When I looked over at a highly inebriated friend boring the ears off a sober relative and cringed. The lash extensions I scraped off before the honeymoon, leaving my own stubby lashes behind, like a scrappy shoreline after a luscious tide. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my wedding day and we are currently basking in the kind of newlywed bliss that I know is probably hard to look at without nausea, it’s only retrospectively that I have felt this anxiety.

Being a very slow learner, I have finally realised that reality could not hope to mirror my imagined Big Day. I cannot blame Instagram for this. Without it I would never have discovered the beautiful work of Luna Bea and the hair pins I wore in my hair. Nor the Catherine Deane dress I fell in love with and stalked online for months before admitting that I wanted it more than I wanted a bargain.

Saying goodbye to it all was sad, I had escaped into wedding planning whilst we decorated our first home, whilst I studied for a degree and got a more demanding day job. It had become my friend, my distraction and my adored second career. The pay was lousy but I am still sad I no longer need to scour charity shops for vintage vases (though that might be for the best. I was a bit too keen, has anyone else hustled elderly volunteers to drop the price of crystal? To my shame, I have.)

Despite all this, thankfully, as the months passed, I fell steadily in love with the memories of our wedding, even as my imagined one faded. The very normality of some moments are now my favourites; The surprising amount of sweat on my partner’s palms as he took mine and whispered, ‘you’re beautiful, I’m sorry about my hands’ (which gave us our last laugh as non-marrieds) and discovering my mother, gleefully barefoot outside at 10pm, telling my appalled, heavily pregnant friend all about her episiotomy. My naughtiest flower girl who asked me not to get married and who sat with her hands on her ears for the ceremony. Her sister, who twerked magnificently to the final bars of the first dance. Watching my husband’s face as he blushed slightly during his speech and experiencing a wave of joy that started in my toes.

Revel in all the happy chaos, future brides that may be reading! Soon enough you will be like me, no longer a Bride but a Wife. With it comes much happiness and hopefully, some leisure time.

How did you feel after your big day? What were the best/unexpected parts for you?

{Contributors}

Image by WE ARE // THE CLARKES

Author
Author: Lisa Soeno
Lisa is obsessed with all things interior design. And Cadbury buttons.
Follow Lisa on instagram @lisa.soeno
This post may include affiliate links.

15 thoughts on “Post Wedding Blues

  1. Funnily enough as someone who reflects over everything and is hyper critical I’d say I had no issues over our wedding afterwards. I do remember getting upset on the night everyone was leaving early until my beloved pointed out it was 2am…..

    Best way to beat the blues for me was to postpone the honeymoon. We got married in June but didn’t go on honeymoon (which we planned before) until September. We had a few luxury days post wedding but the BIG three week extravaganza across Africa gave me something to look forward to (and who am I kidding, a whole Meryl Streep-esque wardrobe to plan). Then post honeymoon it was baby planning.

    I did criticise myself post wedding for ‘looking fat’. I was a bloody size 8 FFS with arms and abs of STEEL. It’s only now, post two babies and zero chance of ever finding the time to see a personal trainer again, I realise how utterly ridiculous that was.

  2. Loved this post and Mia you are a wonderful writer!!
    Now, four years after our wedding I have been asked to be a bridesmaid for the first time, and I am loving once again looking at the gowns and the colours and the flowers!

    1. Ah thanks Helen! I can imagine being excited by it all again for someone else haha, you’re really kind, thank you!
      Mia

  3. Mia, I can totally relate to this. I remember reading over and over again how when brides had hiccups on their big days they weren’t bothered because it was so magical, wonderful, loved up etc. So I was really hacked off with myself for being disappointed that some of the finer details didn’t come together as I had planned. Now I look back on that day with the greatest fondness and realise it was bloody awesome, and in the words of that old charmer Darius Danesh – there was a lot of love in that room.
    A girl I used to work with wasn’t into weddings and used to say if women put the amount of effort they put into planning the weddings into other productive things then we could achieve almighty things!

    1. I’m so glad you understand Lauren! I felt quite stupid being so anxious and reflective about it when it really was the best day. I am slightly awed by the idea of the enormous organisational and creative energy that would be harnessed if we joined planning forces!

  4. I might be alone in this, but I was actually relieved when our wedding was over. Not sure if wedding exhaustion is a thing, but I certainly felt that way. That’s not to say that I didn’t enjoy the day – I did, it was brilliant and lovely to celebrate with everyone who came – but I was very happy to not have to talk about catering or flowers or dresses ever again! We had been saving and planning for over two years and it was only in the last 6 months that I started to feel bored by it all. I just wanted to be on honeymoon – we hadn’t had a proper holiday since we’d met and I couldn’t wait to lie by the pool and work my way through all the books, food and cocktails!

    1. Hi I’m pretty certain wedding exhaustion IS a thing. And yes, I absolutely had some of that too. I think mine was exacerbated by natural nit-pickyness and Spanx related crisis 🙄😂 it was such a peculiar feeling post wedding. Also made me wonder why I felt so judged about it all? The pressure we put on ourselves can be huge.
      Totally relate re just looking forward to a rest, hooray for honeymoons!
      Mia

  5. Almost 8 years on, yes and no. I didn’t have time to feel the blues after the wedding – I started a new job a week later and then we bought a house about six months after that which needed a lot of work (still does!). I did experience a wistful, “I’d love to do it again”/nostalgic feeling after the royal wedding this weekend. It was such a lovely day *sigh*

    Agree with the idea of having things to look forward too post-wedding to lift any blues. Am doing the same here now, planning for my 40th next year (an Orlando theme park trip is in the works!) and then 10 year anniversary in 2020 – time will fly by 🙂

    1. It seems to be the consensus that having a holiday to look forward to will soothe most ills 🙂 I heartily agree. Enjoy your 40th!

  6. I loved this post! I am six weeks post (our own) wedding and I have been feeling such a mixture of emotions!
    We were so stressed out pre-wedding with getting everything right and I really relate to that weird pressure mentioned, I was so worried about what everyone else would think! After the wedding I was really quite upset that the speeches had gone on too long and worried that the guests were bored etc and did all the replaying of things I would have changed which dissipated as time has passed but I also felt a huge amount of relief it was over and I could get my life back. It’s a lot to digest – not to mention the new identity of being someone’s wife and focusing on being married! We’ve also got a delayed honeymoon, married in April and going in July so that has kept me going but despite it all I did feel a little twinge if sadness watching Meghan walk down the aisle- it is such a special feeling, just to have to remember to be grateful for the day I had 😍

    1. Thank you Sarah! I’m so glad I’m not the only one. There are other very important days in your life that don’t come with nearly so much pressure although I suppose part of is that we set our own expectations and they can be hard to meet, that’s definitely part of it for me too x

  7. I was engaged for 2 years and eight months and the whole thing controlled my life for a long time. 6 months before I felt so done with it all and just wanted to be married! I had literally the best day. I didn’t feel too sad when it was over, probably because I still had so much to look forward to…I never lived with my husband pre-marriage so I couldn’t wait to get into our new house and start our new lives together.

    I guess that’s one bonus to not living together before-hand…its not quite returning to normality after the wedding!

    1. Hey Sarah, that’s a really good point! So the adventure really begins after marriage if you haven’t already cohabited? Makes sense to me. And leaves some mystery for after the wedding. We got married 8years and three households in so there’s not a terrible amount of that left haha.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *