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Do Opposites Attract?

Author: Lisa Soeno

Rich and I are like chalk and cheese.

He’s good at maths, I’m good at English. (Watch me make some silly grammatical mistakes now). IMHO people tend to be good at one or the other. 

He’s up with the lark, which drives me crazy on weekends, because I am most definitely a night owl. (Or I was, until baby number two came along…)

He’s the class clown and often the butt of the joke. And he relishes it. Whilst I wouldn’t say I’m a shy retiring wallflower, I don’t crave being the centre of attention. This might be down to our introvert/extrovert preferences? When we worked for the company where we met, we had to do the Myers-Briggs Personality test. In a line of thirty people, arranged from the most extrovert on the left to the most introvert on the right, Rich was far and away the most extrovert, practically off the scales to the left; whereas I was somewhere in the middle: an introvert with extrovert tendencies.

He’s definitely a do-er and I’m a think-er. You know how I mentioned in my oak worktops post that the 2018 project for the Soeno household is to makeover the kitchen? Well Rich is chomping at the bit to start ripping out cupboards, whereas I would rather have a concrete idea of what the whole finished room is going to look like (or at least a vague plan re the basics, like worktops!), before we start making a mess.

Whilst we both love the idea of buying an old wreck of a house and completely renovating, I think we’d kill each other in the process. We’ve come close just assembling a Billy bookcase together.

Of course there are some similarities…I think it’d be true to say that our deep-rooted values are the same, and we both have the same, silly, some-might-say-immature sense of humour. (Think Gavin and Stacey meets Motherland).

But you know what? It works. The fact that he’s so different from me means that I am never, ever, bored in his presence, and I’d like to think that he’d say the same. And because we have such different views, we are excellent sounding boards when the other needs advice.

The fact that we are such opposites also works in a practical sense. When we were travelling, Rich would decide the next destination and figure out all the (in my view, tedious) logistics of how to get there, whilst I would pore over the Lonely Planet and figure out the finer, more fun, details: which one is the ‘cool’ neighbourhood to stay in, which beaches are best, which café does the best Eggs Benedict.

And ultimately, he makes me happy. Which is all that you can really ask for in a partner.

Are you the opposite of your other half? Do you share my view that opposites attract, or do you think like-minded people are generally more compatible?

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Author: Lisa Soeno
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22 thoughts on “Do Opposites Attract?

  1. 😂 I think assembling a piece of IKEA furniture should be a compulsory step before anyone can get married. If you can get through that together, you can get through anything! I think it’s all down to the shared values. If you agree on those, you’re unlikely to be in conflict. Happy Valentines Day 💕

    1. Just a trip to Ikea together should be a compulsory step! I remember one trip where I witnessed at least four arguments between couples!

      But yes…it’s all about the values x

  2. I think you have to agree or be in sync in some areas in order to cope with or appreciate the differences. My husband is much more extrovert than me, it works because he pushes me forward and encourages me. He loves to do stuff like public speaking which I hate. We are very similar in other areas though, political views, sense of humour, and we usually agree on parenting style – I think clashes there are very hard to cope with because of the intense emotions (mine, his are buried way deep).
    So in conclusion, er, I don’t know!

    1. Love this comment Kathryn.

      Parenting style is a big one and we often bicker about the best way to deal with a situation with the kids, but in general we’re on the same page. I think it would be a nightmare if not.

      Totally off topic but has your husband always liked public speaking?! x

  3. I would say our personalities and interests are different, but our beliefs and sense of humour are very much the same. Happy Valentine’s everyone!xx

  4. I think you already mentioned the answer to the question in your post. I think opposites do attract, but you need to have the same values in life. I’m the extrovert in our marriage and a realist, whereas my OH is the optimist. There are a few things where we differ, but we want the same main things in life like our family, how we raise our kids, what is right or wrong etc. So in the end we help each other with our different personalities.

    1. I find it fascinating because when I was younger I used to assume that I would end up with someone very similar to me. It’s also so interesting to hear about other people’s relationships! …Maybe I’m just nosy 😛

      1. Hehe I totally get the being nosy part! But yes, I always though I would end up with someone more similar to me (outgoing, easy to get along with other people). It took some getting used to my OH’s different take on things, but he’s my rock!

  5. My husband and I are also at the opposite ends of the scale. He’s definitely the realist and ‘money’ one. I’m the dreamer and creator. We’d never build a piece of furniture together as he wouldn’t know which screwdriver was which. Whereas I wouldn’t organise our family holiday as I’d end up getting ripped off somewhere down the line.

    We do share the exact same views on marriage and family. However, even though we do the same job, we’re on different ends of that scale too!

    I have noticed that we’re becoming more similar as the years go by. For example, I’m becoming more sensible with money and he’s becoming more relaxed with it. Most of all, we see each other’s point of view and then come to a decision together. I feel that this is one of the most important parts of our relationship, nd, of course, Love 😘

    1. Gem I’m giggling at the image of your husband not knowing which screwdriver is which. And Rich is the ‘money’ one and the holiday organiser here too!

      I’m definitely feeling the love on the blog today 🙂

  6. Like many here my husband and I are very different in our everyday attributes but our core values and what we want out of life are the same. I think that is what is vital, and the other differences make for more interesting conversation! Incidentally our two sets of parents are completely different in personality and how they live their lives but the common denominator is that they want the best for us, even if they go about that differently. x

    1. You’ve now got me pondering about our sets of parents too Sophie. And once again very different. Rich’s Mum is a real home bird – to the extent where I don’t think she really enjoys even going on holiday! Whereas my dad is a real wanderer – to the extent that he even lived on a boat in New Zealand for a while! 🙄

      1. Our parents are complete opposites too! His parents are Italian/Irish Catholic and mine are non-married (my Dad is divorced). My mum isn’t my biological mum either. They’re also a bit hippie! Our situation is similar to the ‘Meet the Parents’ movie 😂

        1. Ha ha, brilliant Gem! Do they all get on?!

          (Meet The Parents is one of the films that falls into our shared silly sense of humour category)

  7. Absolutely – the core values are the important things! Plus, who wants to go out with/marry a carbon copy of themselves? Differences are what keep the interest going in my opinion. That is what drives the interesting conversations we have at home, we are not arguers either of us, which is something I cherish (I’m really not a confrontational person!) but we can have a good discussion about most things in life from our differing points of view! My husband is more of an extrovert, I’m more of an introvert, he’s a “dumper” of stuff, I’m a “putter” of stuff, I’m a planner to the extreme, he has a more laisser-faire attitude. They shape how we are as individuals, but our core values are the same, we have the same view on major goals in life, how to parent etc (to the extent either of us know!!), and cherish similar things too.

    Although I disagree with you in one thing – I’m pretty good at both Maths and English 😉

    1. Nice to hear about another non-arguer. My husband and I have been together for 13 years and will it certainly isn’t all rainbows and unicorns (far from it) we have never really argued in a raised voices, shouty kind of way. Apart from when putting together Ikea kitchen drawers…X

  8. Love this! I completely agree that shared core values are so important. Ken and I are quite different but we have similar moral structures and his thoughtful take on life and right and wrong, always gives me something to think about and somehow stretches what I thought myself? I think he’s making me a better human! One dilemma at a time 😉

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